1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.BZ 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ 3 00:00:11,054 --> 00:00:12,099 [Aparna Nancherla] If you don't have anxiety, 4 00:00:12,273 --> 00:00:14,057 the way I would describe it 5 00:00:14,231 --> 00:00:17,495 is like there's an edgy improv group in your brain. 6 00:00:19,976 --> 00:00:23,327 And it just needs a one word suggestion-- 7 00:00:27,331 --> 00:00:29,116 To spin like countless scenarios 8 00:00:29,290 --> 00:00:31,335 that no one's comfortable with. 9 00:00:31,509 --> 00:00:33,337 [Joe List] Are you guys mad at me? I'm getting a weird vibe here. 10 00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:36,253 I feel uncomfortable. 11 00:00:37,907 --> 00:00:39,561 I'm nervous. It's a very small space. 12 00:00:39,735 --> 00:00:41,563 I'm self-conscious about my ass as well, 13 00:00:41,737 --> 00:00:43,434 so I feel weird with people behind me. 14 00:00:43,608 --> 00:00:45,567 [Baron Vaughn] Some people think that a lot of comedians 15 00:00:45,741 --> 00:00:49,745 are, um, more damaged, you know, more fucked up than the average person. 16 00:00:49,919 --> 00:00:51,616 I don't necessarily believe that. 17 00:00:51,790 --> 00:00:54,228 I think that comedians are the ones who live in it. 18 00:00:54,402 --> 00:00:57,144 [Marc Maron] I don't know how to have fun. 19 00:00:57,318 --> 00:00:58,362 How do you have fun? 20 00:01:01,974 --> 00:01:03,585 How do you guys do it? 21 00:01:03,759 --> 00:01:04,716 Like, I don't think I would have come to this show. 22 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:07,415 All right. Good morning, everybody. 23 00:01:07,589 --> 00:01:09,025 I've got some bad news. 24 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,768 OK, literally haven't even said what the bad news is yet. 25 00:01:12,942 --> 00:01:13,769 Let's-- 26 00:01:13,943 --> 00:01:15,727 I love bad news. 27 00:01:15,901 --> 00:01:17,816 I'm constantly telling myself you've got everybody fooled. 28 00:01:17,990 --> 00:01:19,253 You're not that funny. 29 00:01:19,427 --> 00:01:20,689 Any minute now, everybody's going 30 00:01:20,863 --> 00:01:23,300 to wake up and realize how bad you suck. 31 00:01:23,474 --> 00:01:28,088 And so there's this fear that I can't ever truly be myself 32 00:01:28,262 --> 00:01:31,787 because if people knew the real me, they wouldn't like me. 33 00:01:53,461 --> 00:01:55,854 [Tiffany] Chloe, you didn't even look to see if a car was coming, Honey. 34 00:01:56,028 --> 00:01:57,421 Look for cars, Honey. 35 00:01:58,466 --> 00:02:00,207 In general, I feel like when they're in the house, 36 00:02:00,381 --> 00:02:01,643 they're safe. 37 00:02:01,817 --> 00:02:03,732 I can see them and take care of them. 38 00:02:03,906 --> 00:02:05,995 When we're out here, there's lots of elements. 39 00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:09,738 It's like every single nightmare... scary movie 40 00:02:09,912 --> 00:02:11,435 that I've ever seen in my life. 41 00:02:11,609 --> 00:02:14,960 And I just have really dark pictures in my brain. 42 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:18,181 It's almost like I can see it happening. 43 00:02:18,877 --> 00:02:20,749 For so long, I struggled in silence 44 00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:22,751 about my anxiety, my depression. 45 00:02:22,925 --> 00:02:24,056 There wasn't a word for it. 46 00:02:24,231 --> 00:02:25,710 I didn't know how to describe it. 47 00:02:25,884 --> 00:02:28,713 And once I started talking about it on the internet, 48 00:02:28,887 --> 00:02:30,280 I was met with so much love and support. 49 00:02:30,454 --> 00:02:32,021 And it was shocking to me. 50 00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:34,719 Keys, backpack. You guys got your backpacks? 51 00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:35,938 Boo! 52 00:02:36,112 --> 00:02:37,896 What are you doing here? 53 00:02:38,070 --> 00:02:39,594 We get to hang out today. 54 00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:41,509 Awesome. 55 00:02:42,118 --> 00:02:44,642 Do you think your husband put the car seats in right? 56 00:02:45,687 --> 00:02:46,644 I think so. 57 00:02:46,818 --> 00:02:47,645 I hope so. 58 00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:48,864 Why? 59 00:02:49,865 --> 00:02:53,564 I was just thinking about car accidents and stuff 60 00:02:53,738 --> 00:02:57,873 and just wanted to make sure that it's safe. 61 00:02:58,265 --> 00:02:59,048 That's all. 62 00:03:04,401 --> 00:03:07,187 [Mark] If I do things alone, I'm usually OK. 63 00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:10,929 But it's the going out in the world that's the hard part. 64 00:03:11,539 --> 00:03:14,019 I get a lot of social anxiety. 65 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,151 Is this person going to hate me? 66 00:03:15,325 --> 00:03:16,370 Am I annoying this person? 67 00:03:16,544 --> 00:03:17,936 Am I a burden? 68 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,025 I'll probably look like a normal average Joe. 69 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,940 But I'm really going, shut up. 70 00:03:22,114 --> 00:03:22,941 You're an idiot. 71 00:03:23,115 --> 00:03:24,465 Take it easy. 72 00:03:24,639 --> 00:03:25,640 No, but I think that guy does hate you. 73 00:03:25,814 --> 00:03:27,163 Oh, shut up. You're crazy. 74 00:03:27,337 --> 00:03:27,946 I don't know. 75 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:29,600 He wasn't a fan. 76 00:03:29,774 --> 00:03:31,167 You see the way he looked at you? 77 00:03:32,995 --> 00:03:34,475 You guys ever do this one? 78 00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:36,346 You guys ever leave the house without headphones? 79 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:38,870 Phew. 80 00:03:39,175 --> 00:03:41,177 Thoughts are not good. 81 00:03:42,874 --> 00:03:44,833 My God, this whole time, I thought I loved music. 82 00:03:45,007 --> 00:03:45,964 Turns out I just hate my brain. 83 00:03:48,053 --> 00:03:49,925 Just being attacked all day long by this insecurity playlist 84 00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:51,448 on shuffle. 85 00:03:51,622 --> 00:03:52,928 Ah, what are you doing with your life? 86 00:03:53,102 --> 00:03:53,885 You drink too much. Going to die alone. 87 00:03:54,059 --> 00:03:54,930 You call that a penis? 88 00:03:55,104 --> 00:03:55,539 Ah... 89 00:04:00,065 --> 00:04:04,853 The anxiety I have is wrapped up in being disappointing. 90 00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:10,032 I-- Literally every day, I'm like, I got to quit. 91 00:04:10,206 --> 00:04:12,034 I should quit stand up. 92 00:04:13,514 --> 00:04:16,908 I have this fantasy about being the funniest guy 93 00:04:17,082 --> 00:04:20,434 and produce at the Kroger or the 94 00:04:20,608 --> 00:04:24,046 Publix in fricking Chattanooga. 95 00:04:24,220 --> 00:04:25,003 - Excuse me. - Sorry. 96 00:04:25,177 --> 00:04:26,614 No problem. 97 00:04:26,788 --> 00:04:28,920 I recently figured out that I have anxiety. 98 00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:31,271 I've had it for my entire life, but it's really easy 99 00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:34,361 to confuse having anxiety with just the fact of being black. 100 00:04:34,709 --> 00:04:36,754 There's a lot of similarities. 101 00:04:36,928 --> 00:04:39,017 You know, like the thought, "Anyone could kill me at any time," 102 00:04:39,191 --> 00:04:40,367 is a real thought. 103 00:04:43,718 --> 00:04:46,938 [Eva] I definitely feel sometimes like, wow, I got this brain. 104 00:04:47,112 --> 00:04:49,245 I wonder what it would be like to step into someone else's 105 00:04:49,419 --> 00:04:51,552 brain for a day or even like 20 minutes 106 00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:53,684 and see how it feels inside a different brain 107 00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:59,255 because maybe I'm crazy and maybe it's just like this 108 00:04:59,429 --> 00:05:00,648 everywhere. 109 00:05:00,952 --> 00:05:06,958 But I do feel like my brain is sometimes 110 00:05:07,698 --> 00:05:09,352 lightly trying to kill me. 111 00:05:10,135 --> 00:05:12,355 But also I love my brain for other reasons. 112 00:05:12,529 --> 00:05:14,226 So it's nice. 113 00:05:14,401 --> 00:05:18,230 I like having a brain that's fucked up and creative and cool. 114 00:05:18,405 --> 00:05:20,145 Um... My God, cool. 115 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,973 Yeah, my brain is super cool. 116 00:05:27,065 --> 00:05:28,415 You good? 117 00:05:28,632 --> 00:05:29,851 Yeah, no, I'm fine. I was thinking of-- 118 00:05:30,025 --> 00:05:31,809 I'm going to dinner later tonight. 119 00:05:31,983 --> 00:05:34,595 And I was thinking, like, what am I going to get for my side? 120 00:05:34,769 --> 00:05:36,336 And then I was like, do I want French fries? 121 00:05:36,510 --> 00:05:38,120 Do I want mashed potatoes? 122 00:05:38,294 --> 00:05:39,339 And then I realized, it doesn't even really matter. 123 00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:40,514 You know what I'm saying? 124 00:05:40,688 --> 00:05:42,298 Because once you actually eat it, 125 00:05:42,472 --> 00:05:45,214 it's all basically mashed potatoes after that, you know. 126 00:05:45,388 --> 00:05:48,217 And then I was like, well, maybe I should get a salad instead 127 00:05:48,391 --> 00:05:50,175 because I've been gaining a little bit of weight. 128 00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,960 But if I'm going to spend money in, 129 00:05:52,134 --> 00:05:53,788 I don't want to spend it on leaves. 130 00:05:53,962 --> 00:05:55,180 And so it's like-- 131 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:56,356 I'm sorry. What was your question? 132 00:05:56,965 --> 00:05:58,662 Whoa. 133 00:05:58,836 --> 00:06:02,884 My anxiety videos get in the tens of millions of views. 134 00:06:04,712 --> 00:06:10,326 And people are like, that's me. 135 00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:27,778 When I go to my email, if I just type in in the search bar, 136 00:06:27,952 --> 00:06:30,041 the word "anxiety"... 137 00:06:32,914 --> 00:06:33,871 ...there's so many. 138 00:06:34,045 --> 00:06:35,656 Everyone's suffering. 139 00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:37,005 All of these people reach out to me 140 00:06:37,179 --> 00:06:38,746 because they've seen my videos. 141 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:41,792 And it feels like everybody in the world has anxiety, 142 00:06:41,966 --> 00:06:44,012 and nobody knows what the F to do about it. 143 00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:51,019 [Joe] I have I think every kind of anxiety you can have. 144 00:06:51,585 --> 00:06:55,806 General anxiety, social anxiety, panic disorder, 145 00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:57,591 obsessive compulsive disorder. 146 00:06:57,765 --> 00:06:59,157 I got it all. 147 00:06:59,331 --> 00:07:02,073 I'm a real-- I'm the full ball of anxiety. 148 00:07:04,119 --> 00:07:06,121 My whole life and mind, everything 149 00:07:06,295 --> 00:07:09,080 is sort of fear and anxiety based. 150 00:07:09,907 --> 00:07:11,953 It's almost like that angel devil thing. 151 00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:13,433 But there's just a devil. 152 00:07:13,607 --> 00:07:16,305 It just feels like a mean version of me 153 00:07:16,479 --> 00:07:18,046 sitting on my own shoulder. 154 00:07:18,220 --> 00:07:19,343 I read this. 155 00:07:19,417 --> 00:07:21,184 Human beings have up to 70,000 thoughts a day. 156 00:07:21,458 --> 00:07:22,977 Did you guys know that? I thought it was like nine. 157 00:07:23,051 --> 00:07:24,879 I had no idea! 158 00:07:25,053 --> 00:07:26,446 70,000 is too many. 159 00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:27,882 I don't think I have 70,000 thoughts a day. 160 00:07:28,056 --> 00:07:29,318 I feel like I have four thoughts a day. 161 00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:31,494 They just repeat 70,000 times. 162 00:07:32,822 --> 00:07:34,628 My four thoughts are: "My parents are going to die. 163 00:07:34,702 --> 00:07:36,704 I'm horny. Is that cancer? Is this funny?" 164 00:07:36,978 --> 00:07:39,241 Is this funny? Those are the only four thoughts I ever have in my life. 165 00:07:47,684 --> 00:07:48,729 Oh, my God. 166 00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:50,513 I would kill to be less anxious. 167 00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:51,949 It's exhausting. 168 00:07:52,123 --> 00:07:54,299 I remember I took a Xanax once. 169 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:55,692 I don't know why I had it. 170 00:07:55,866 --> 00:07:57,912 But I just took one. 171 00:07:58,086 --> 00:07:59,391 And I remember being like, is this what normal people feel like? 172 00:07:59,566 --> 00:08:00,958 Oh, my God. It was-- I was like skipping down 173 00:08:01,132 --> 00:08:03,961 the street and high-fiving mailmen and stuff. 174 00:08:04,135 --> 00:08:05,920 It was amazing. 175 00:08:06,094 --> 00:08:09,445 So I'm like, my whole goal is just get back to that somehow 176 00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:11,578 naturally, which I know is probably never going to happen. 177 00:08:11,752 --> 00:08:12,579 But that would be nice. 178 00:08:17,714 --> 00:08:19,150 I'm really nervous. 179 00:08:19,324 --> 00:08:25,417 Today is my first day with my new therapist. 180 00:08:28,116 --> 00:08:29,596 I'm nervous about-- 181 00:08:29,770 --> 00:08:32,729 I'm excited though, because 182 00:08:32,903 --> 00:08:37,255 I'm desperate to feel different 183 00:08:37,429 --> 00:08:41,129 than I've been feeling for a really long time. 184 00:08:42,783 --> 00:08:47,352 I'm hoping that I can be a better mom to my kids. 185 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:51,879 I feel like I'm ruining their childhood. 186 00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:57,406 To put on my jewelry. 187 00:08:58,189 --> 00:08:59,843 I'm going to wear this bracelet today. 188 00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,629 It seems like the perfect day for it. 189 00:09:02,803 --> 00:09:05,109 You put essential oil on this pad. 190 00:09:05,283 --> 00:09:07,459 And when you get stressed, you can sniff it. 191 00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:10,288 The therapist is going to be like, are you OK? 192 00:09:10,462 --> 00:09:12,682 I notice you're smelling yourself a lot. 193 00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:19,341 Let's go. 194 00:09:21,822 --> 00:09:23,040 I forgot my keys. 195 00:09:24,607 --> 00:09:25,782 I'm so sorry. 196 00:09:25,956 --> 00:09:27,305 Everything's fine. 197 00:09:27,479 --> 00:09:28,655 Everything's going to be fine. We're ju-- 198 00:09:28,829 --> 00:09:29,830 It's therapy. 199 00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:31,092 Everything's fine. 200 00:09:32,049 --> 00:09:33,268 OK, wish me luck, Peta. 201 00:09:46,281 --> 00:09:49,327 I think it would be wonderful to be 202 00:09:49,501 --> 00:09:54,724 able to just enjoy life and enjoy the little moments 203 00:09:54,898 --> 00:09:58,815 and experience some emotions other than fear. 204 00:09:59,903 --> 00:10:03,951 A tiny part of me wonders, though, 205 00:10:05,082 --> 00:10:11,045 if I wasn't a crazy, anxious, overthinking, worrying 206 00:10:11,219 --> 00:10:15,266 people-pleaser, who the heck would I be? 207 00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:17,704 How was the drive? 208 00:10:17,878 --> 00:10:19,444 The drive was nerve-racking. 209 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:20,532 Was it really? 210 00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:22,099 Yeah, I just don't like driving. 211 00:10:22,273 --> 00:10:24,101 I don't like driving on the interstate. 212 00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:25,407 Did you drive or did somebody else? 213 00:10:25,581 --> 00:10:26,451 - I drove. - You did? 214 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:27,888 - Yeah. - OK. 215 00:10:28,062 --> 00:10:29,280 And I was just nervous. 216 00:10:29,454 --> 00:10:31,065 - Yeah? - Are these for crying? 217 00:10:31,239 --> 00:10:32,632 Sure, yeah. 218 00:10:32,806 --> 00:10:34,677 I usually have that effect on people, so. 219 00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:36,461 - If it happens, don't worry. - OK. 220 00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,420 So I'm going to take notes while we chat. 221 00:10:38,594 --> 00:10:39,726 - OK. - Um... 222 00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:41,249 So you can start wherever you want, 223 00:10:41,423 --> 00:10:42,380 but you're going to tell me everything. 224 00:10:42,554 --> 00:10:43,120 So where do you want to start? 225 00:10:45,122 --> 00:10:50,693 I am afraid that I am going to throw myself 226 00:10:50,867 --> 00:10:53,217 into early death because of all the worrying that I'm doing. 227 00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:54,349 OK. 228 00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:57,657 I am scared of getting murdered. 229 00:10:57,831 --> 00:11:00,094 I'm scared of robbers. 230 00:11:00,268 --> 00:11:02,705 I have a horrendous fear of the ocean. 231 00:11:02,879 --> 00:11:03,488 OK. 232 00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,099 I hate the water. 233 00:11:05,273 --> 00:11:07,057 I hate not knowing what's lurking under my feet. 234 00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:08,711 The unknown. 235 00:11:08,885 --> 00:11:09,930 Yeah. 236 00:11:10,452 --> 00:11:13,890 Um, I think about my kids breaking their neck 237 00:11:14,064 --> 00:11:15,805 and getting paralyzed a lot. 238 00:11:15,979 --> 00:11:19,156 I can picture their neck being broken when they're jumping 239 00:11:19,330 --> 00:11:20,810 on the couches and stuff. 240 00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:24,248 OK, and going back to that, for fear of something 241 00:11:24,422 --> 00:11:26,903 happening to your kids, what do you do as a result? 242 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,079 I say no to fun things. 243 00:11:29,253 --> 00:11:30,646 OK, yeah. 244 00:11:31,081 --> 00:11:34,781 And if we do end up in a place where they're having fun, 245 00:11:34,955 --> 00:11:39,133 I'm just constantly yelling out warnings like be safe. 246 00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:41,135 Don't do this. No, we're not going to do that. 247 00:11:41,309 --> 00:11:42,484 Be careful. 248 00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:45,356 I give them probably way too many talks 249 00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:46,923 about getting kidnapped. 250 00:11:47,097 --> 00:11:50,013 - OK. - That's going to F them up. 251 00:11:51,754 --> 00:11:52,886 Let's do this. 252 00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:54,191 What else are we doing? 253 00:11:59,196 --> 00:12:01,459 [Joe] It's definitely difficult when people don't understand it, 254 00:12:01,633 --> 00:12:03,679 and they go, just stop worrying. 255 00:12:03,853 --> 00:12:05,812 It's a weird-- Because you have to be like, well, 256 00:12:05,986 --> 00:12:07,770 I have a mental disorder. 257 00:12:12,383 --> 00:12:16,300 It feels like it's not always that respected as a thing. 258 00:12:16,474 --> 00:12:18,563 [host] Put your hands together right now for Mr. Joe List. 259 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,435 Everybody, Joe List. 260 00:12:20,609 --> 00:12:24,091 [Joe] But comedy is completely controlled by me. 261 00:12:24,265 --> 00:12:28,008 So your anxiety is sort of at bay for that moment at least. 262 00:12:28,182 --> 00:12:30,793 And you sort of feel worthy. 263 00:12:30,967 --> 00:12:31,794 I feel strong. 264 00:12:31,968 --> 00:12:34,666 And I'm doing this thing. 265 00:12:34,841 --> 00:12:36,668 My Aunt Betty, she's a big source of my anxiety. 266 00:12:36,843 --> 00:12:38,366 I don't know if you guys ever met her. 267 00:12:38,540 --> 00:12:41,891 She's um-- She was a babysitter, late '80s, early '90s. 268 00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:43,850 And um, one time, she was babysitting me. 269 00:12:44,024 --> 00:12:45,634 She said this to me. This is a true story. 270 00:12:45,808 --> 00:12:47,288 I was eight years old. This is where my anxiety began. 271 00:12:47,462 --> 00:12:49,856 I was eight. And she said, "Joe, my biggest fear..." 272 00:12:50,030 --> 00:12:51,466 She told me her biggest fear. 273 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:52,815 I didn't ask her what her biggest fear was. 274 00:12:52,989 --> 00:12:54,774 I was eight years old. 275 00:12:54,948 --> 00:12:57,472 I didn't give a shit about her fears, but she told me anyway. 276 00:12:57,646 --> 00:13:00,083 She said, "My biggest fear is that when I go to the bathroom, 277 00:13:00,257 --> 00:13:04,261 there'll be a man hiding behind the shower curtain waiting to get me." 278 00:13:06,182 --> 00:13:08,966 And I was like, well, that's my biggest fear now also. 279 00:13:11,051 --> 00:13:12,487 Yeah, I have goals. 280 00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:14,532 I just like to waste my time in getting to them. 281 00:13:14,706 --> 00:13:17,013 I love to procrastinate, love to waste time, 282 00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:19,146 learn to embrace it as a strength. 283 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:21,452 Does anyone identify as a professional crastinator? 284 00:13:21,626 --> 00:13:23,150 Yeah, yeah. 285 00:13:23,324 --> 00:13:25,543 And again, don't even make noise. 286 00:13:25,717 --> 00:13:28,111 Just think about it, and then don't do anything. 287 00:13:28,285 --> 00:13:30,548 People, they're like, but you're so low key 288 00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:35,162 and you're like so laid back even in your delivery. Like, it just doesn't-- 289 00:13:35,336 --> 00:13:36,903 You don't strike me as an anxious person. 290 00:13:37,077 --> 00:13:39,122 But I think in that sense, it is. 291 00:13:39,296 --> 00:13:42,125 It demonstrates how internal it can be. 292 00:13:42,299 --> 00:13:44,345 It's so much a part of your brain 293 00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:46,738 that you're just like used to it, and you're like, 294 00:13:46,913 --> 00:13:49,916 I don't know what an alternative would 295 00:13:50,090 --> 00:13:53,180 be because it takes up so much space on a regular basis. 296 00:13:54,137 --> 00:13:57,532 I do experience fairly profound dread over nothing. 297 00:13:57,706 --> 00:14:00,709 Like-- It just seems to be a frequency I operate at. 298 00:14:00,883 --> 00:14:04,147 Like um, you know, I'll wake up, and immediately just be like, 299 00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:06,410 God, got to make breakfast. 300 00:14:06,584 --> 00:14:08,760 And then I got to see my friend at noon. 301 00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:11,894 God, like, why that intensity? 302 00:14:12,329 --> 00:14:14,375 And those are things that you should want to do. 303 00:14:14,549 --> 00:14:15,942 But I just operate like everything 304 00:14:16,116 --> 00:14:17,944 becomes this sort of hassle. 305 00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:21,208 I don't do things. 306 00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:23,601 I don't do stuff. 307 00:14:25,777 --> 00:14:26,953 I don't know why I don't do stuff. 308 00:14:27,127 --> 00:14:27,997 I kind of know why. 309 00:14:29,956 --> 00:14:31,261 All right, example... 310 00:14:32,784 --> 00:14:34,612 ...I got an opportunity to see the Rolling Stones. 311 00:14:34,786 --> 00:14:37,877 I was given tickets to see the Rolling 312 00:14:38,051 --> 00:14:42,620 Stones, the first date of their last stadium tour, San Diego. 313 00:14:42,794 --> 00:14:45,449 The first day, I was given tickets on the field. 314 00:14:45,623 --> 00:14:48,278 And the day I was given those tickets, 315 00:14:48,452 --> 00:14:51,542 my first thought was like, fucking parking is going to-- 316 00:14:53,805 --> 00:14:56,025 When you have a brain like this, like mine 317 00:14:56,199 --> 00:15:00,247 or like a neurotic, anxious person, it's always a negative. 318 00:15:00,421 --> 00:15:02,336 You're never sort of like, that's going to be great. 319 00:15:02,510 --> 00:15:04,512 In the shower this morning, I was thinking, 320 00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:06,253 "I'm in the shower too long." 321 00:15:06,427 --> 00:15:08,211 So it's like, I'm in the shower too long. 322 00:15:08,385 --> 00:15:10,910 I'm stressed about even taking a shower. 323 00:15:11,084 --> 00:15:12,650 It's like, I got to take a shower. 324 00:15:12,824 --> 00:15:14,826 I only have this much time. I got to take a shower. 325 00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:15,827 And then I'm in the shower, I'm like, I shouldn't have taken a shower. 326 00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:17,612 I shouldn't have taken a shower. 327 00:15:17,786 --> 00:15:19,309 There's all these other things that have to be done. 328 00:15:19,483 --> 00:15:20,963 And I'm sitting here taking a shower, wasting water. 329 00:15:21,137 --> 00:15:22,878 Wasting water while there's other things to be done. 330 00:15:23,052 --> 00:15:25,489 And I'm like, wait a minute, why don't I just take a shower? 331 00:15:25,663 --> 00:15:27,927 Like, I got to take a shower. 332 00:15:28,275 --> 00:15:31,060 Does anybody with anxiety ever take your kids to the park? 333 00:15:31,234 --> 00:15:33,715 It, like, makes me crazy. 334 00:15:33,889 --> 00:15:35,717 Especially when there's other kids, 335 00:15:35,891 --> 00:15:38,894 Like, I'm just so afraid that they're going to hurt themselves, 336 00:15:39,068 --> 00:15:40,417 or they're going to get hit by another kid. 337 00:15:40,591 --> 00:15:42,245 Like, I can't even relax. 338 00:15:42,419 --> 00:15:44,160 I'm not even trying to be funny. 339 00:15:45,422 --> 00:15:47,033 I dread going to the park. 340 00:15:47,207 --> 00:15:48,991 And I wish I wasn't like this. 341 00:15:50,079 --> 00:15:51,733 Do you want to know how crazy I am? 342 00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:56,433 I bring a taser with me to the park in case anybody 343 00:15:56,607 --> 00:15:58,696 tries to kidnap my kids. 344 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:00,698 Why am I like this? 345 00:16:00,872 --> 00:16:04,311 Here we are, my West Village apartment 346 00:16:04,485 --> 00:16:06,269 bought it, homeowner. 347 00:16:06,443 --> 00:16:09,838 Uh, if you want to take a look in here and horrify yourself. 348 00:16:10,447 --> 00:16:13,494 Um, I don't know when that's from. 349 00:16:13,668 --> 00:16:16,714 But it's about two years old, and I just keep it in there just 350 00:16:16,888 --> 00:16:17,933 to remind myself. 351 00:16:18,107 --> 00:16:19,891 Stay humble. 352 00:16:20,066 --> 00:16:23,112 I'm a big cocoon guy. Close the door, close the shades, TV, 353 00:16:23,286 --> 00:16:25,158 internet, the whole thing. 354 00:16:25,332 --> 00:16:29,553 Uh, booze, lockers. There's no space in this goddamn town 355 00:16:29,727 --> 00:16:33,209 so you just fill up all your winter clothing 356 00:16:33,383 --> 00:16:34,776 bursting at the seams. 357 00:16:34,950 --> 00:16:36,952 Look at that, falling out everywhere. 358 00:16:37,126 --> 00:16:40,347 Large TV. This was a gift. Thank God. 359 00:16:40,521 --> 00:16:42,436 record player, Lenny Bruce. 360 00:16:42,610 --> 00:16:45,961 New Orleans. You gotta remember where you came from. 361 00:16:46,135 --> 00:16:51,619 Just a young boy from Tremé with dreams and plastic 362 00:16:51,793 --> 00:16:54,013 on my mattress because that was a hell of a bedwetter. 363 00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:58,365 For me, it was being a kid and making my mom make up 364 00:16:58,539 --> 00:17:00,367 an excuse to not go out. 365 00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:03,587 So your friends would be like, "Hey, can Mark come over and play?" 366 00:17:03,761 --> 00:17:05,067 And I was like-- 367 00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:07,300 so my mom would be like, "He can't. He's in trouble with me." 368 00:17:07,374 --> 00:17:08,375 And I was like, "yeah". 369 00:17:08,549 --> 00:17:10,159 I hated who I was. 370 00:17:10,333 --> 00:17:11,639 All right. 371 00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:13,206 This is a fun note. 372 00:17:13,380 --> 00:17:15,947 This is an anxiety blanket. 373 00:17:16,122 --> 00:17:17,862 This weighs 15 pounds. 374 00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,430 And if you put it on you, it feels like a hug. 375 00:17:20,604 --> 00:17:21,562 How sad is that? 376 00:17:32,399 --> 00:17:33,313 Careful. 377 00:17:38,796 --> 00:17:40,798 Chloe, are you OK? 378 00:17:41,973 --> 00:17:43,105 Please be careful. 379 00:17:44,585 --> 00:17:48,154 Every time they jump off, it's hard to breathe. 380 00:17:50,939 --> 00:17:52,419 I'm a little sweaty. 381 00:17:52,593 --> 00:17:57,337 Kaiden. OK, care-- Bub, when you land. 382 00:17:57,511 --> 00:17:58,555 Yeah. 383 00:17:59,034 --> 00:18:02,385 My son loves to do flips now, actual flips. 384 00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:08,522 And all I can think about is him getting paralyzed, obviously. 385 00:18:08,696 --> 00:18:10,741 It happens all the time with kids on trampolines. 386 00:18:11,786 --> 00:18:12,874 Are you having fun? 387 00:18:13,570 --> 00:18:15,746 I don't want them to see me freaking out 388 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:18,706 because I'm afraid it's going to ruin their experience. 389 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,926 But I'm dying. 390 00:18:23,798 --> 00:18:27,106 And I have to sit by the exit so that I can see if somebody is 391 00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:28,933 trying to walk out with my kid. 392 00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,675 Because there's so much kidnapping and trafficking going 393 00:18:31,849 --> 00:18:33,242 on in the world. 394 00:18:33,416 --> 00:18:34,939 That if my kids are attached to me or I 395 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,724 can see them at all times, and it's fine. 396 00:18:36,898 --> 00:18:38,378 I could fight off the kidnapper. 397 00:18:39,901 --> 00:18:41,337 Do you avoid anything? 398 00:18:41,511 --> 00:18:44,688 Like, do you avoid certain social situations? 399 00:18:44,862 --> 00:18:46,125 Tell me more. 400 00:18:46,299 --> 00:18:49,519 I avoid any social situation where 401 00:18:49,693 --> 00:18:52,653 there are lots of people like a house party. 402 00:18:52,827 --> 00:18:54,611 - OK. - We don't go. 403 00:18:55,046 --> 00:18:58,301 Like, I'm constantly worried how people are perceiving me. 404 00:18:58,386 --> 00:18:59,442 OK. 405 00:18:59,921 --> 00:19:02,053 And I'm afraid, like, before I go out on stage 406 00:19:02,228 --> 00:19:03,577 that I'm going to forget everything 407 00:19:03,751 --> 00:19:07,276 and look stupid and just make it worse. And-- 408 00:19:10,323 --> 00:19:13,239 OK. Um, in the past or currently, have you 409 00:19:13,413 --> 00:19:16,111 ever had any fears related to contamination? 410 00:19:16,285 --> 00:19:18,548 - I can't eat or drink after anybody... - OK. 411 00:19:19,767 --> 00:19:21,943 ...husband and kids included. 412 00:19:22,117 --> 00:19:24,554 Um, because you're afraid of getting sick with something, or is it disgust? 413 00:19:24,728 --> 00:19:26,077 - It's disgust. - OK. 414 00:19:29,907 --> 00:19:30,995 What else? 415 00:19:31,996 --> 00:19:34,956 I'm afraid that I'm going to have a brain aneurysm 416 00:19:35,130 --> 00:19:37,001 at any moment and just go. 417 00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:38,351 I've done a lot of research on those 418 00:19:38,525 --> 00:19:39,961 so that I could be prepared. 419 00:19:40,266 --> 00:19:41,832 You can be prepared for an aneurysm? 420 00:19:42,006 --> 00:19:43,747 - Yes. - Tell me-- 421 00:19:43,921 --> 00:19:47,055 The signs to look out for, you'll hear a pop in your head. 422 00:19:47,229 --> 00:19:49,623 And immediately, as soon as you hear the pop, 423 00:19:49,797 --> 00:19:52,756 you don't question it. You just call 911 right away. 424 00:19:52,930 --> 00:19:54,018 Have you done that yet? 425 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:55,150 Have you called 911 or anything? 426 00:19:55,324 --> 00:19:56,891 - No. - OK, good. 427 00:19:57,065 --> 00:20:01,548 But, well, I called 911 when my son had a bloody nose. 428 00:20:02,462 --> 00:20:04,899 And they showed up and were pissed. 429 00:20:08,076 --> 00:20:11,645 [Mark] Me and my pal, Joe List, fellow comedian, we 430 00:20:11,819 --> 00:20:15,388 took a road trip one day, and just really hit it off. 431 00:20:15,562 --> 00:20:16,606 It was a five-hour drive. 432 00:20:16,780 --> 00:20:17,825 We didn't know each other. 433 00:20:17,999 --> 00:20:19,827 We just talked about everything. 434 00:20:20,001 --> 00:20:23,047 I feel like we're trying to be comedians together in New York. 435 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,614 And he was struggling. I was struggling. 436 00:20:24,788 --> 00:20:26,312 And we helped each other. 437 00:20:26,486 --> 00:20:28,009 And then he said, "I want to start a podcast. 438 00:20:28,183 --> 00:20:29,010 Will you do it with me?" 439 00:20:29,184 --> 00:20:30,838 And I said, "sure". 440 00:20:31,012 --> 00:20:32,143 People don't give you enough credit. You really listen. 441 00:20:32,318 --> 00:20:33,144 - I'm a listener. - You really listen. 442 00:20:33,319 --> 00:20:34,755 You're late. You lie. 443 00:20:35,146 --> 00:20:36,931 You're just a genuinely bad person. 444 00:20:37,105 --> 00:20:38,411 But you listen. 445 00:20:38,585 --> 00:20:40,500 - You can really listen. - I'm a listener. 446 00:20:40,674 --> 00:20:42,458 [Mark] The beauty of us doing a pod together 447 00:20:42,632 --> 00:20:46,375 is I don't have to explain anxiety because he's 448 00:20:46,549 --> 00:20:48,551 a fucking wacko as well. 449 00:20:49,204 --> 00:20:50,553 I'm like, man, I was feeling like this. 450 00:20:50,727 --> 00:20:51,989 He doesn't go, "wait, what do you mean?" 451 00:20:52,163 --> 00:20:53,164 Why would you feel like that? 452 00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:53,817 He's just like, "yeah, totally. 453 00:20:53,991 --> 00:20:55,471 I get it." 454 00:20:55,645 --> 00:20:57,212 A lot of people have been writing negative comments 455 00:20:57,386 --> 00:20:59,040 saying that we're not as big as we should be. 456 00:20:59,214 --> 00:21:01,042 So we're taking the podcast to the streets, 457 00:21:01,216 --> 00:21:03,479 and we're going to get some new fans the old fashioned way. 458 00:21:03,653 --> 00:21:05,655 Let's go make some new fans. 459 00:21:06,787 --> 00:21:08,005 Hey, guys. You guys, uh-- 460 00:21:08,179 --> 00:21:08,832 Do you like podcasts? 461 00:21:09,006 --> 00:21:10,269 Jesus Christ. 462 00:21:10,443 --> 00:21:11,661 Podcasts, man. We're good, man. 463 00:21:19,843 --> 00:21:21,541 I recommend going to therapy because I 464 00:21:21,715 --> 00:21:24,674 recommend doing things I was told Black people do not do. 465 00:21:24,848 --> 00:21:26,067 So therapy, doing it. 466 00:21:26,241 --> 00:21:28,417 Eating blueberries, delicious. 467 00:21:28,591 --> 00:21:31,290 Uh, skiing, don't think so. 468 00:21:31,464 --> 00:21:34,467 I cannot trust a sport that wants me to be at the top 469 00:21:34,641 --> 00:21:36,817 of the mountain to start. 470 00:21:36,991 --> 00:21:38,514 That's its own sport. 471 00:21:38,688 --> 00:21:42,126 I'll be down here in the Jacuzzi. Um... 472 00:21:43,127 --> 00:21:45,129 I like knowing why I do the things I do. 473 00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:46,957 That's why I like going to therapy. 474 00:21:47,131 --> 00:21:49,351 I like knowing what makes me tick, what informs my decisions. 475 00:21:49,525 --> 00:21:51,353 Because I want to know these things about myself. 476 00:21:51,527 --> 00:21:54,051 I want to know myself before I am... 477 00:21:54,225 --> 00:21:55,923 ...that's right, inevitably shot 478 00:21:56,097 --> 00:21:59,318 Because if the police don't get me, mass shooters will. 479 00:21:59,492 --> 00:22:00,928 And all I'm saying is you don't want 480 00:22:01,102 --> 00:22:02,973 to be bleeding to death in the street, going, 481 00:22:03,147 --> 00:22:04,497 I never figured out intimacy. 482 00:22:06,150 --> 00:22:08,370 I think a lot of comedians come to comedy 483 00:22:08,544 --> 00:22:10,764 because when they were children, it was the only thing that they 484 00:22:10,938 --> 00:22:13,810 could do to have power. 485 00:22:13,984 --> 00:22:18,032 Making someone laugh means that you have power over them. 486 00:22:19,163 --> 00:22:21,775 And I grew up in a neighborhood, so my home life 487 00:22:21,949 --> 00:22:23,777 was relatively dangerous. 488 00:22:23,951 --> 00:22:26,780 There was addiction and there was abuse. 489 00:22:26,954 --> 00:22:28,651 And so it was kind of a minefield. 490 00:22:28,825 --> 00:22:30,784 I was scared to be at home. I spent a lot of time alone. 491 00:22:30,958 --> 00:22:32,786 And when I wasn't alone, I was trying 492 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:37,356 to navigate around certain situations, however, 493 00:22:37,530 --> 00:22:40,837 being able to diffuse the tension. 494 00:22:41,577 --> 00:22:44,972 To make someone laugh is to make someone happy. 495 00:22:45,146 --> 00:22:50,020 So then if I could do that, I knew I was safe. 496 00:22:50,194 --> 00:22:51,979 That was my big fear when I was a kid, wetting my pants. 497 00:22:52,153 --> 00:22:53,502 Because if you're a kid, you get scared enough. 498 00:22:53,676 --> 00:22:55,069 You can just urinate right in your pants. 499 00:22:56,157 --> 00:22:58,377 That's like a weird mind body connection I never understood. 500 00:22:58,551 --> 00:23:00,117 Like your brain is like, I'm terrified. 501 00:23:00,291 --> 00:23:01,989 And your bladder is like, we'll go ahead and piss then. 502 00:23:03,904 --> 00:23:06,080 And then your brain's like, that didn't help at all. 503 00:23:06,254 --> 00:23:07,951 And your bladder was like, that's all we know how to do. 504 00:23:08,125 --> 00:23:10,084 We just wanted to let you guys know that we were helping. 505 00:23:10,258 --> 00:23:12,260 Most of my material originates from anxiety 506 00:23:12,434 --> 00:23:14,480 because it's something going, I hated that. 507 00:23:14,654 --> 00:23:16,482 That made me feel weird. I didn't like that. 508 00:23:16,656 --> 00:23:19,441 And that's where the comedy comes from. 509 00:23:19,615 --> 00:23:21,225 That's what George Carlin said, every joke 510 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,619 started with something's wrong here. 511 00:23:23,793 --> 00:23:25,621 And I'm going to tell people about it. 512 00:23:25,795 --> 00:23:27,188 These are fun. 513 00:23:27,362 --> 00:23:29,451 These are cue cards from late night shows 514 00:23:29,625 --> 00:23:32,236 I've done like Conan or Fallon or Colbert. 515 00:23:32,411 --> 00:23:33,977 This is actually my first one 516 00:23:34,151 --> 00:23:40,027 from 2013, Conan, February 20th, 517 00:23:40,201 --> 00:23:41,681 biggest night of my life. 518 00:23:41,855 --> 00:23:45,206 It was a magical moment, unbelievable-- late night 519 00:23:45,380 --> 00:23:46,860 TV debut. 520 00:23:47,034 --> 00:23:49,645 And as you can see, this is more broad 521 00:23:49,819 --> 00:23:52,692 doing like, racial, Jewish, gay. 522 00:23:52,866 --> 00:23:56,173 I needed this on muscle memory because I was just 523 00:23:56,347 --> 00:23:58,611 in this weirdo zone. 524 00:23:58,785 --> 00:24:00,221 I was floating. I didn't know where I was. 525 00:24:00,395 --> 00:24:02,441 And it was horrifying but amazing 526 00:24:02,615 --> 00:24:04,486 and riveting all at the same time. 527 00:24:04,660 --> 00:24:06,140 Jews are all about living on. 528 00:24:06,314 --> 00:24:08,185 That's when I thought, man, Jews must 529 00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:11,493 be really jealous of gay people because gay people can't even 530 00:24:11,667 --> 00:24:14,278 reproduce, yet, they keep popping up. 531 00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:19,936 That's amazing. 532 00:24:20,110 --> 00:24:21,590 That's incredible. No other group can do that. 533 00:24:21,764 --> 00:24:23,287 It's like a superpower, you know? 534 00:24:23,462 --> 00:24:25,072 Like Jews are sitting around. 535 00:24:25,246 --> 00:24:26,421 Like, you got to marry a Jew. You got to marry a Jew. 536 00:24:26,595 --> 00:24:28,075 And gays are like, we'll be fine. 537 00:24:29,903 --> 00:24:31,948 And then when it ended, it was like, I said, 538 00:24:32,122 --> 00:24:34,168 a dream come true, which it wasn't planned. 539 00:24:34,342 --> 00:24:37,388 That just came out just out of me because I was just 540 00:24:37,563 --> 00:24:42,306 and then Conan came over, and I was so keyed up and so confident 541 00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:44,526 that it went well that I took his tie 542 00:24:44,700 --> 00:24:48,095 and dabbed my forehead just out of like, fuck it, let's be funny. 543 00:24:49,444 --> 00:24:51,533 This is five years later. 544 00:24:51,707 --> 00:24:53,317 Get more depth. I've delved in. 545 00:24:53,492 --> 00:24:56,756 You got eye contact, introvert, therapy. 546 00:24:56,930 --> 00:24:59,367 So I'm now starting to really open up and talk about how weird 547 00:24:59,541 --> 00:25:00,977 I am and how much of a mess I am. 548 00:25:03,589 --> 00:25:06,679 Comedy, comedy, jokes, jokes. 549 00:25:09,769 --> 00:25:11,640 A lot of bad thoughts. 550 00:25:11,814 --> 00:25:14,164 The paper is evil, so you gotta get away from the paper. 551 00:25:22,999 --> 00:25:25,306 And I said that I'll use the pen as a microphone, which 552 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:26,960 is also embarrassing. 553 00:25:27,134 --> 00:25:28,875 I'm going to put a sock on. 554 00:25:29,049 --> 00:25:33,749 I feel bad about my disgusting hoofs just clomping around. 555 00:25:33,923 --> 00:25:35,403 What about a sandal? 556 00:25:35,577 --> 00:25:38,798 Out of all the things you write, 7% work. 557 00:25:38,972 --> 00:25:41,191 And then out of that, you keep five. 558 00:25:42,236 --> 00:25:44,804 Yeah, so that's why it takes so long to build material. 559 00:25:45,065 --> 00:25:46,370 That's why everybody's so annoying when they go, 560 00:25:46,545 --> 00:25:47,502 "you got any new stuff?" 561 00:25:47,676 --> 00:25:48,982 No, don't have any new stuff. 562 00:25:49,156 --> 00:25:50,331 I'm busting my ass over here. 563 00:26:07,304 --> 00:26:11,700 When I'm writing, I don't feel the anxiety I usually feel. 564 00:26:11,874 --> 00:26:14,834 Like when I'm actually just immersed in something like that, 565 00:26:15,008 --> 00:26:16,531 I can quiet the rest of my brain, 566 00:26:16,705 --> 00:26:18,054 and that's like focusing on something else. 567 00:26:18,228 --> 00:26:19,403 And that's nice. 568 00:26:19,578 --> 00:26:21,144 Because usually, what my anxiety is, 569 00:26:21,318 --> 00:26:22,581 is like you won't have any good ideas for this thing. 570 00:26:22,755 --> 00:26:25,409 You aren't writing it right now. 571 00:26:25,584 --> 00:26:27,368 Why? 572 00:26:27,542 --> 00:26:29,500 Actually, sitting down to write something is really calming. 573 00:26:30,458 --> 00:26:33,679 I pitched a few ideas to Comedy Central for a series. 574 00:26:33,853 --> 00:26:36,638 And the one that we decided to make was called 575 00:26:36,812 --> 00:26:38,597 Eva vs. Anxiety. 576 00:26:39,293 --> 00:26:41,077 - [man] ...Here's the boss. - My boss. It's my boss. 577 00:26:41,251 --> 00:26:42,601 OK, go meet your boss. 578 00:26:44,254 --> 00:26:46,213 - Hey, Eva-- Oh. - Hey. 579 00:26:46,779 --> 00:26:48,824 - Uh, Hi. - What can I help you with? 580 00:26:48,998 --> 00:26:50,260 It's Claire's birthday today. 581 00:26:50,434 --> 00:26:52,262 Oh, Claire is the one with the glasses. 582 00:26:52,436 --> 00:26:53,960 And I have contacts, so we in general have a ton to talk about. 583 00:26:54,134 --> 00:26:55,265 Basically, everyone's already signed the card 584 00:26:55,439 --> 00:26:56,876 - when you were out, so. - Sure. 585 00:26:57,050 --> 00:26:58,225 Well, the only reason I was out was 586 00:26:58,399 --> 00:26:59,792 because the idea of being here made 587 00:26:59,966 --> 00:27:01,141 me want to die more than it usually does. 588 00:27:01,315 --> 00:27:03,143 For sure. Here's a pen. 589 00:27:03,317 --> 00:27:05,624 No problem. I'll just be creative and concise on the spot. 590 00:27:07,930 --> 00:27:11,020 You know what? I'm actually going to drop this off at your desk. 591 00:27:11,194 --> 00:27:13,370 Because as weird as it sounds, you standing over my shoulder 592 00:27:13,544 --> 00:27:15,155 isn't really allowing my creative juices to flow, 593 00:27:15,329 --> 00:27:16,896 as they usually do. 594 00:27:17,070 --> 00:27:18,114 Just make sure you get me that ASAP. All right? 595 00:27:18,288 --> 00:27:19,550 ASAP as hell. 596 00:27:21,117 --> 00:27:22,815 - Love you. - What? 597 00:27:22,989 --> 00:27:25,165 Someone maybe thinks like you're a little weird, 598 00:27:25,339 --> 00:27:26,949 but it's kind of inconsequential-- 599 00:27:27,123 --> 00:27:28,472 is the idea for the series, is it 600 00:27:28,647 --> 00:27:30,387 like everything is actually fine in the end, 601 00:27:30,561 --> 00:27:32,694 but give someone kind of a weird vibe. 602 00:27:32,868 --> 00:27:33,564 Eva? 603 00:27:33,739 --> 00:27:35,479 Hey, Eva, come on. 604 00:27:35,654 --> 00:27:36,524 No, you go ahead. 605 00:27:36,698 --> 00:27:37,743 I'll hold it for you. 606 00:27:37,917 --> 00:27:39,483 No, no, no. No, you go ahead. 607 00:27:39,658 --> 00:27:40,789 - Come on over, Eva. - No, I'll catch the next one. 608 00:27:40,963 --> 00:27:41,921 - Go ahead. - Plenty of time, Eva. 609 00:27:42,095 --> 00:27:43,096 - No, it's fine. - Come on. 610 00:27:43,270 --> 00:27:44,793 - Come on over, Eva. - OK. 611 00:27:44,967 --> 00:27:47,100 It was therapeutic to make in some ways 612 00:27:47,274 --> 00:27:49,929 because I felt like certain people saw it and were 613 00:27:50,103 --> 00:27:51,757 like, "that is what it's like". 614 00:27:51,931 --> 00:27:52,932 And I was like, yeah, OK. 615 00:27:53,106 --> 00:27:53,933 I knew it. 616 00:27:54,107 --> 00:27:55,369 What's on the ceiling? 617 00:27:55,543 --> 00:27:59,155 12 inches-- OK, interesting. 618 00:27:59,329 --> 00:28:01,244 Then also, some people were like, this video is 619 00:28:01,418 --> 00:28:03,812 making me experience anxiety. 620 00:28:03,986 --> 00:28:05,901 Well, that's not what I-- 621 00:28:06,075 --> 00:28:08,469 I don't want to make people feel anxious. 622 00:28:08,643 --> 00:28:11,167 But then again, if you've never experienced it. 623 00:28:11,341 --> 00:28:12,299 Ha, ha. 624 00:28:12,473 --> 00:28:14,388 Now you have a little bit of it. 625 00:28:15,519 --> 00:28:16,520 Hey, feel better. 626 00:28:18,609 --> 00:28:20,611 I made it. I'm alive. 627 00:28:20,786 --> 00:28:23,484 Like, the most helpful thing for me is, like, most 628 00:28:23,658 --> 00:28:26,792 of what you're reacting to is something 629 00:28:26,966 --> 00:28:28,576 your brain is making up. 630 00:28:29,185 --> 00:28:31,274 That is a helpful thing to me. 631 00:28:31,448 --> 00:28:33,015 Like, if you have that negative thought 632 00:28:33,189 --> 00:28:36,018 thing where this is going to be a disaster, even if-- 633 00:28:36,192 --> 00:28:38,151 anything's better than that. 634 00:28:39,021 --> 00:28:40,893 So you don't really set yourself up 635 00:28:41,067 --> 00:28:43,504 to engage and enjoy with things, but it's 636 00:28:43,678 --> 00:28:47,682 going to be better than what happened in your head somehow. 637 00:28:48,335 --> 00:28:54,471 Hmm, I guess I'll say anxiety is a false friend, 638 00:28:54,645 --> 00:28:58,258 and then it's warning you about a danger, 639 00:28:58,432 --> 00:29:00,826 but it's one that isn't actually there. 640 00:29:01,870 --> 00:29:03,002 Good morning, everyone. 641 00:29:03,176 --> 00:29:04,525 Thank you so much for being here. 642 00:29:04,699 --> 00:29:07,528 I got to say, motivation wasn't expecting 643 00:29:07,702 --> 00:29:08,877 to see you here this morning. 644 00:29:09,051 --> 00:29:10,357 Behold. 645 00:29:10,531 --> 00:29:12,315 Yeah, what are you doing here, weirdo? 646 00:29:12,489 --> 00:29:16,363 I started personifying these different feelings and emotions 647 00:29:16,537 --> 00:29:20,933 in my head and turning them into characters and skits. 648 00:29:21,107 --> 00:29:24,197 OK, so as you guys know, kids are home for summer. 649 00:29:25,024 --> 00:29:27,722 Uh, looks like she wants to take them to the park, 650 00:29:27,896 --> 00:29:29,506 feed them a healthy lunch. 651 00:29:30,203 --> 00:29:31,291 It's funny. 652 00:29:31,944 --> 00:29:35,208 Uh, then take them to a pool party slash barbecue. 653 00:29:36,252 --> 00:29:37,645 How can we [bleep] this up? 654 00:29:38,472 --> 00:29:40,691 When motivation takes off, I can remind her 655 00:29:40,866 --> 00:29:42,955 how dangerous parks are and how one in three kids 656 00:29:43,129 --> 00:29:44,913 injures themselves on the monkey bars each year 657 00:29:45,087 --> 00:29:46,436 and has to get sent to the hospital. 658 00:29:46,610 --> 00:29:48,351 Hi, I can convince her that she probably 659 00:29:48,525 --> 00:29:50,919 shouldn't go because creepy old dudes lurk around the park 660 00:29:51,093 --> 00:29:53,095 and take kids sometime. 661 00:29:53,269 --> 00:29:55,358 That's perfect. Uh... 662 00:29:55,532 --> 00:29:57,360 I kept her up late last night watching serial killer documentaries. 663 00:29:57,534 --> 00:29:59,362 So I've already got her convinced 664 00:29:59,536 --> 00:30:01,756 that there's a murderer looking for her right now as we speak. 665 00:30:03,236 --> 00:30:04,759 When is this meeting over? 666 00:30:04,933 --> 00:30:06,979 Remember, we need to work together as a team 667 00:30:07,153 --> 00:30:08,458 to make her completely mentally unstable. 668 00:30:08,632 --> 00:30:09,677 [alarm beeping] 669 00:30:09,851 --> 00:30:10,852 You know what that means. 670 00:30:11,026 --> 00:30:12,332 Come on, let's go. 671 00:30:12,506 --> 00:30:13,768 Let's get pumped. 672 00:30:14,421 --> 00:30:16,031 Oh, this is happening so fast. OK. 673 00:30:16,205 --> 00:30:17,424 Ugh... 674 00:30:18,468 --> 00:30:20,296 Places, OK? Make her look nuts. 675 00:30:20,470 --> 00:30:22,255 You guys got this. Good job, team. 676 00:30:25,214 --> 00:30:26,520 So I'm going to explain now. 677 00:30:26,694 --> 00:30:27,695 You have your thoughts-- 678 00:30:27,869 --> 00:30:29,175 I'll move my hand in a second... 679 00:30:30,872 --> 00:30:32,004 ...feelings, 680 00:30:34,049 --> 00:30:35,703 ...behaviors. 681 00:30:37,096 --> 00:30:39,228 So those thoughts you're having, like a lot of what ifs. 682 00:30:39,402 --> 00:30:43,537 Like what if something bad happens to my, um, kids? 683 00:30:43,711 --> 00:30:47,367 What if, you know, people are judging me? 684 00:30:47,541 --> 00:30:51,850 So then you might feel anxiety, fear. 685 00:30:53,895 --> 00:30:56,289 And then therefore, what do you do? 686 00:30:56,463 --> 00:30:58,073 Well, avoidance is kind of like the mother 687 00:30:58,247 --> 00:31:00,946 of all like those maladaptive behaviors. 688 00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:04,036 So the more you avoid and the more you give in to those fears, 689 00:31:04,210 --> 00:31:06,342 then obviously, it's creating more and more avoidance, right? 690 00:31:06,516 --> 00:31:08,170 Right. 691 00:31:08,344 --> 00:31:12,000 Um, and then information- seeking, reassurance-seeking-- 692 00:31:12,174 --> 00:31:13,610 - this is like, is everything going to be OK? - Mm. 693 00:31:13,784 --> 00:31:16,004 And over time and as somebody gets older 694 00:31:16,178 --> 00:31:19,660 and they haven't done treatment, these 695 00:31:19,834 --> 00:31:22,619 get more and more, the symptoms get worse over time. 696 00:31:22,793 --> 00:31:24,447 Your world kind of gets smaller. 697 00:31:24,621 --> 00:31:26,449 Even the avoidance of making a decision 698 00:31:26,623 --> 00:31:28,364 only makes you more and more indecisive over time. 699 00:31:28,538 --> 00:31:30,062 - Does that make sense? - 100%. 700 00:31:30,236 --> 00:31:32,455 You know, the intrusive thoughts in and of themselves 701 00:31:32,629 --> 00:31:35,197 does not mean you're somehow crazy or pathological 702 00:31:35,371 --> 00:31:36,807 or anything like that. 703 00:31:36,982 --> 00:31:39,027 It's really how you're responding to them that's 704 00:31:39,201 --> 00:31:40,594 keeping you kind of in that loop. 705 00:31:40,768 --> 00:31:42,422 - Right. - Does that make sense? 706 00:31:43,292 --> 00:31:44,380 Yeah. 707 00:31:44,554 --> 00:31:48,167 You have this harm OCD. 708 00:31:48,341 --> 00:31:50,343 - You have-- - I have OCD? 709 00:31:50,517 --> 00:31:52,693 I think there's strong tendencies here. 710 00:31:52,867 --> 00:31:57,611 You know, the harm OCD is really like thoughts or intrusive thoughts and images 711 00:31:57,785 --> 00:32:01,354 - about harm of somebody else or of yourself. - Yeah. 712 00:32:01,876 --> 00:32:03,834 The idea is that I can get to the point 713 00:32:04,009 --> 00:32:05,488 where you have these thoughts, but you're not 714 00:32:05,662 --> 00:32:07,186 responding to them. 715 00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:12,713 But isn't it good to prepare for different scenarios? 716 00:32:12,887 --> 00:32:15,281 So that when it does go wrong, I'm ready for action. 717 00:32:15,455 --> 00:32:16,847 There's no way to prepare completely 718 00:32:17,022 --> 00:32:18,893 for something happening. 719 00:32:19,067 --> 00:32:21,809 Right, something in me makes me feel like I can for some reason. 720 00:32:21,983 --> 00:32:23,680 And that's the anxiety. 721 00:32:23,854 --> 00:32:26,248 So all of this is in the service of trying to get certainty. 722 00:32:26,422 --> 00:32:27,684 Right? So everything you're dealing with 723 00:32:27,858 --> 00:32:29,686 is really the uncertainty, the what if. 724 00:32:30,905 --> 00:32:32,254 Yes. 725 00:32:32,689 --> 00:32:35,910 But I just want to let you know that the thought that 726 00:32:36,084 --> 00:32:38,043 came into my head when you said that -Mm-hmm. 727 00:32:38,434 --> 00:32:44,701 was if I kept them inside at all times, they could live. 728 00:32:44,875 --> 00:32:46,877 And whose mental health would that be good for? 729 00:32:48,662 --> 00:32:49,793 Me, specifically. 730 00:32:52,883 --> 00:32:55,147 I love therapy. If you're going to therapy, I can knock it out for you. 731 00:32:55,321 --> 00:32:56,713 You can save the money. It's your family. 732 00:32:56,887 --> 00:32:58,715 Whatever you're dealing with... 733 00:32:58,889 --> 00:33:00,282 ...anxiety, depression. 734 00:33:00,456 --> 00:33:01,718 Look no further than your own family. 735 00:33:01,892 --> 00:33:03,677 It's their problem. It's their fault. 736 00:33:04,721 --> 00:33:06,767 At first, I was skeptical. I was like, I don't know. 737 00:33:06,941 --> 00:33:08,334 And then I spent 11 seconds with my family, 738 00:33:08,508 --> 00:33:09,900 and I was like, he nailed it. 739 00:33:11,815 --> 00:33:13,817 I started seeing a therapist who was really helpful 740 00:33:13,992 --> 00:33:19,345 and sort of jarring back to "This is where it's coming from. 741 00:33:19,519 --> 00:33:21,303 This feeling comes from there." 742 00:33:21,477 --> 00:33:25,003 And that's so helpful is connecting all the feelings 743 00:33:25,177 --> 00:33:27,788 with emotions and that mind body thing of saying 744 00:33:27,962 --> 00:33:29,529 that's been the most helpful to me 745 00:33:29,703 --> 00:33:32,532 in dealing with anxiety is, this is not some curse. 746 00:33:32,706 --> 00:33:34,360 I feel I was cursed to have this. 747 00:33:34,534 --> 00:33:35,535 I got to go. Thank you very much. 748 00:33:35,709 --> 00:33:36,753 Enjoy the rest of your night. 749 00:33:38,929 --> 00:33:40,366 Back to Petey D. 750 00:33:43,456 --> 00:33:45,849 Joe List, everyone, man. 751 00:33:46,024 --> 00:33:47,286 I'm so sorry. 752 00:33:47,460 --> 00:33:48,548 Get up there. 753 00:33:48,722 --> 00:33:50,332 Everybody's waiting for you. 754 00:33:51,464 --> 00:33:52,769 Hi. Nice to meet you. 755 00:33:53,509 --> 00:33:54,423 Sorry. 756 00:34:01,169 --> 00:34:02,823 Both my parents are really anxious. 757 00:34:02,997 --> 00:34:06,218 My dad's sort of a quiet guy, and so there wasn't always 758 00:34:06,392 --> 00:34:07,871 a lot of connection always there. 759 00:34:08,046 --> 00:34:11,701 So there was a lot of anxiety in the house. 760 00:34:13,790 --> 00:34:15,662 My parents were so loving and kind and always there 761 00:34:15,836 --> 00:34:18,186 that you think like I've had this perfect child. 762 00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:22,321 It-- Just because you weren't abused or abandoned or divorced 763 00:34:22,495 --> 00:34:24,410 or anything like that, there's still difficult 764 00:34:24,584 --> 00:34:27,239 things to deal with and because I sort of 765 00:34:27,413 --> 00:34:30,590 learned to relate through anxiety and to worry. 766 00:34:31,199 --> 00:34:32,983 Whole cheese pizza just for me. 767 00:34:35,812 --> 00:34:37,075 I mean, I'll eat this. 768 00:34:37,249 --> 00:34:38,380 And I'm literally thinking while eating it, 769 00:34:38,554 --> 00:34:39,903 I'm going to get cancer. 770 00:34:40,078 --> 00:34:42,645 This is like frozen, you know, preservatives. 771 00:34:42,819 --> 00:34:44,212 I'm like, every time, I mean, I'm like, 772 00:34:44,386 --> 00:34:45,692 I should be not doing this. 773 00:34:49,304 --> 00:34:50,697 I don't even enjoy it. 774 00:34:50,871 --> 00:34:52,525 I'm like, this is the worst food for you. 775 00:34:54,614 --> 00:34:56,094 And I ate it last night. 776 00:34:57,573 --> 00:34:58,574 I'm like, I mean, I'm going to have a... 777 00:35:00,272 --> 00:35:01,795 you know, heart attack or something. 778 00:35:02,491 --> 00:35:03,275 But it's very tasty. 779 00:35:07,453 --> 00:35:09,281 You're tucked in very far there. 780 00:35:09,455 --> 00:35:11,109 Is that on purpose or-- 781 00:35:12,675 --> 00:35:14,199 you just live your best life. 782 00:35:14,895 --> 00:35:17,245 I had these feelings of being nervous as a kid, 783 00:35:17,419 --> 00:35:19,421 and I just thought that I was crazy. 784 00:35:19,987 --> 00:35:22,250 Back then, I didn't really have anybody to talk to about it 785 00:35:22,424 --> 00:35:24,122 because everybody else seemed fine. 786 00:35:24,296 --> 00:35:25,949 So I was like, OK, I'm not going to mention 787 00:35:26,124 --> 00:35:27,516 that this is how I'm feeling. 788 00:35:27,690 --> 00:35:29,083 Because then, everybody's going to think I'm crazy. 789 00:35:29,257 --> 00:35:30,998 There was no word for it. 790 00:35:31,912 --> 00:35:33,348 Do you think mommy always watches you eat? 791 00:35:39,006 --> 00:35:39,963 Why? 792 00:35:44,272 --> 00:35:45,795 All right. 793 00:35:45,969 --> 00:35:46,840 So let me tell you a little bit about the treatment. 794 00:35:47,014 --> 00:35:48,494 - Yeah? - OK. 795 00:35:48,668 --> 00:35:50,148 At the end of the day, the label doesn't matter. 796 00:35:50,322 --> 00:35:51,888 Like, there's some generalized anxiety disorder, 797 00:35:52,062 --> 00:35:53,803 things happening here, too. 798 00:35:53,977 --> 00:35:55,936 But at the end of the day, the label doesn't really matter. 799 00:35:56,110 --> 00:35:57,329 It's just the treatment's going to be the same. 800 00:35:57,503 --> 00:35:58,504 You're still going to do exposures 801 00:35:58,678 --> 00:36:00,419 regardless of what it was. 802 00:36:00,593 --> 00:36:02,638 You're going to be doing a lot of, maybe, maybe not, which 803 00:36:02,812 --> 00:36:04,814 is you have an intrusive thought like, man, my kids 804 00:36:04,988 --> 00:36:05,946 are jumping on that trampoline. 805 00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:07,382 They could break their neck. 806 00:36:07,556 --> 00:36:08,905 Yeah, maybe they will. Maybe they won't. 807 00:36:09,079 --> 00:36:10,516 You know, it's kind of accepting the ambiguity, 808 00:36:10,690 --> 00:36:12,257 accepting the uncertainty of what could happen. 809 00:36:12,431 --> 00:36:14,650 And then you'll do exposures, which is everything 810 00:36:14,824 --> 00:36:16,652 that you don't want your kids to do, I'm going to have them do, 811 00:36:16,826 --> 00:36:18,350 but in a hierarchical basis. 812 00:36:19,394 --> 00:36:21,483 So like, we start off easy, and then 813 00:36:21,657 --> 00:36:23,181 we slowly get to more and more difficult things. 814 00:36:23,355 --> 00:36:24,791 Like eventually-- what's his name? 815 00:36:24,965 --> 00:36:26,706 - Kaiden. - Kaiden. 816 00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:28,360 So what we'll eventually do is like have him do a sleepover 817 00:36:28,534 --> 00:36:29,578 or something like that. 818 00:36:29,752 --> 00:36:31,014 - I don't think so. - Well-- 819 00:36:31,189 --> 00:36:34,148 Thank you for the offer. 820 00:36:34,322 --> 00:36:36,150 I'm going to pass. 821 00:36:36,324 --> 00:36:37,673 That's funny. 822 00:36:37,934 --> 00:36:40,285 But by the time we get there, it won't even, um, 823 00:36:40,459 --> 00:36:41,634 cause you that much anxiety. 824 00:36:41,808 --> 00:36:44,463 At the beginning, it could be, yeah, 825 00:36:44,637 --> 00:36:46,378 you go somewhere that you don't typically 826 00:36:46,552 --> 00:36:48,423 want to go to with your kids. 827 00:36:48,597 --> 00:36:50,382 Um, we'll start off small, Tiffany. 828 00:36:50,556 --> 00:36:51,818 Next time I see you, this is all we're 829 00:36:51,992 --> 00:36:53,385 going to do is come up with exposures. 830 00:36:53,559 --> 00:36:55,778 Do we actually do them or do we just talk-- 831 00:36:55,952 --> 00:36:57,911 Yeah, you'll do exposures. 832 00:36:58,085 --> 00:37:00,043 Yeah, that's what you're going to be doing is exposure therapy. 833 00:37:00,218 --> 00:37:01,871 Everything you're afraid to do, you're going to do, 834 00:37:02,045 --> 00:37:03,438 but in a hierarchical basis. 835 00:37:03,612 --> 00:37:05,266 It's challenging but manageable. 836 00:37:05,614 --> 00:37:06,311 OK. 837 00:37:07,050 --> 00:37:08,051 See, now, I get these. 838 00:37:08,226 --> 00:37:09,139 Yeah. 839 00:37:13,666 --> 00:37:15,842 I think that the broad statement that comedians 840 00:37:16,016 --> 00:37:18,192 are miserable or dark. 841 00:37:18,888 --> 00:37:24,329 I've met a lot of not completely well-adjusted, funny people. 842 00:37:24,503 --> 00:37:26,548 I mean, stand-ups are different than sketch people. 843 00:37:26,722 --> 00:37:29,899 They're different than people who work with other people. 844 00:37:30,073 --> 00:37:31,379 Stand-ups are very specific. 845 00:37:31,553 --> 00:37:35,862 They're, sort of, lone rangers out there. 846 00:37:36,036 --> 00:37:37,907 They do their own thing. 847 00:37:38,081 --> 00:37:40,127 They're not really social animals necessarily, 848 00:37:40,301 --> 00:37:43,783 except with other stand-ups. But in terms of problems 849 00:37:43,957 --> 00:37:49,049 and alcoholism and anxiety, negative ruminations, darkness, 850 00:37:49,223 --> 00:37:50,790 I don't know. 851 00:37:50,964 --> 00:37:54,272 I imagine if you were really to do some sort of survey 852 00:37:54,446 --> 00:37:56,752 of plumbers or teachers or whatever, 853 00:37:56,926 --> 00:37:58,885 I don't know that the numbers would be that different. 854 00:38:09,939 --> 00:38:12,812 It's a wonderful thing, though, to have family, to have kids. 855 00:38:12,986 --> 00:38:17,382 You know... two of my kids, I wanted to take them out. 856 00:38:17,556 --> 00:38:19,122 But their stepdad was doing a better job, 857 00:38:19,297 --> 00:38:20,341 so I didn't want to interfere. 858 00:38:22,430 --> 00:38:25,477 Other professions, mental health may not have been a big topic. 859 00:38:25,651 --> 00:38:29,176 But in comedy, comedians talk about it on stage. 860 00:38:29,350 --> 00:38:31,004 That's what comedy has always done, right, 861 00:38:31,178 --> 00:38:33,485 destigmatizing things by going up there and saying, 862 00:38:33,659 --> 00:38:35,225 this is OK to talk about. 863 00:38:35,400 --> 00:38:37,358 You ever in your room, it just smells like loneliness? 864 00:38:37,532 --> 00:38:39,491 You're just laying there. 865 00:38:39,665 --> 00:38:43,146 I don't think I ever met anybody 866 00:38:43,321 --> 00:38:47,194 as smart as turning everything 867 00:38:47,368 --> 00:38:50,197 they have their pain to making people laugh. 868 00:38:50,371 --> 00:38:53,461 Some of them, they bleeding on the stage. 869 00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:57,117 I was a comedian first, and I started the Laugh Factory 870 00:38:57,291 --> 00:38:59,162 in 1979. 871 00:38:59,598 --> 00:39:01,861 Being around the comic, many of them, 872 00:39:02,035 --> 00:39:03,210 they are like my own family. 873 00:39:03,384 --> 00:39:04,864 I love them. 874 00:39:05,081 --> 00:39:08,650 Jamie had seen so many incredibly talented people 875 00:39:08,824 --> 00:39:11,261 sacrificed so much for what could 876 00:39:11,436 --> 00:39:12,654 be a very uncertain future, and then 877 00:39:12,828 --> 00:39:16,049 get to an incredible level of success 878 00:39:16,223 --> 00:39:20,009 and still have anxiety, substance abuse, depression, 879 00:39:20,183 --> 00:39:21,924 and for some, suicide. 880 00:39:22,098 --> 00:39:25,363 I think seeing your friends have to go through that 881 00:39:25,537 --> 00:39:27,016 can wear on a person. 882 00:39:27,190 --> 00:39:29,062 I realize I got to do something. 883 00:39:29,236 --> 00:39:30,933 And he told me he was like, I'm thinking 884 00:39:31,107 --> 00:39:33,849 of offering free psychological services to the comedians. 885 00:39:34,023 --> 00:39:36,417 So I had referred Dr. Tabori to Jamie. 886 00:39:36,591 --> 00:39:37,853 I thought she'd be a good fit. 887 00:39:38,637 --> 00:39:41,509 What was presented to me was to provide treatment 888 00:39:41,683 --> 00:39:44,077 for the comedians, psychological treatment for the comedians 889 00:39:44,251 --> 00:39:49,169 because they needed more support than what Jamie could provide. 890 00:39:50,475 --> 00:39:52,085 There is still that stigma attached 891 00:39:52,259 --> 00:39:53,869 to talking to somebody about it. 892 00:39:54,043 --> 00:39:56,045 But that is the one thing that is 893 00:39:56,219 --> 00:39:58,265 going to make you feel better, is 894 00:39:58,439 --> 00:40:00,180 starting to talk to somebody about it 895 00:40:00,354 --> 00:40:03,792 and recognizing how normal your experience is in the world. 896 00:40:03,966 --> 00:40:05,359 Thank you very much. 897 00:40:05,533 --> 00:40:06,578 You're very kind. 898 00:40:17,415 --> 00:40:22,289 I literally nurtured, fed, 899 00:40:22,463 --> 00:40:25,031 clothed, and educated my anxiety 900 00:40:25,205 --> 00:40:26,815 as if it was my own child. 901 00:40:30,297 --> 00:40:33,213 And so why am I surprised that it has such power over me when 902 00:40:33,387 --> 00:40:35,171 I have given it so much? 903 00:40:36,085 --> 00:40:41,047 And so being able to coexist with it and the kind of a way, 904 00:40:41,221 --> 00:40:44,050 it's almost thinking about like it's a shadow self, 905 00:40:44,224 --> 00:40:48,489 it's a clone that I have to reabsorb into myself. 906 00:40:49,795 --> 00:40:53,842 And so thinking about it like that helps me not let 907 00:40:54,016 --> 00:40:55,757 it have all the power over me. 908 00:40:57,542 --> 00:40:59,979 Ey, ey, ey, ey, ey, ey, ey, ey-- 909 00:41:00,153 --> 00:41:01,676 Eyyyyy. 910 00:41:01,850 --> 00:41:03,112 ey, ey, ey, ey, ey, ey, ey, ey, ey, ey, ey. 911 00:41:03,286 --> 00:41:04,505 - Brother. - What's up, man? 912 00:41:04,679 --> 00:41:05,854 Good to see you, man. 913 00:41:07,377 --> 00:41:09,423 I actually just started going to therapy. 914 00:41:09,597 --> 00:41:11,164 Hey. 915 00:41:11,338 --> 00:41:14,559 Yeah, it's kind of like, I need to fix this. This is-- 916 00:41:14,733 --> 00:41:17,997 Especially now, I'm like, I'm at a point 917 00:41:18,171 --> 00:41:22,784 - where I need to take more responsibility of my life. - Mm-hmm. 918 00:41:22,958 --> 00:41:26,135 I feel like I'm being really sensitive because I see you 919 00:41:26,309 --> 00:41:28,877 as like a brother, like a sibling, essentially, but-- 920 00:41:29,051 --> 00:41:30,096 You're the big bro. 921 00:41:30,270 --> 00:41:31,880 Hey, that's what I try to do. 922 00:41:32,054 --> 00:41:33,969 - Yeah. - It's not that something is wrong with you. 923 00:41:34,143 --> 00:41:36,058 - It's that there's a pattern that no longer serves you. - Yeah. 924 00:41:36,232 --> 00:41:38,365 - Mm. - And that's in your way. 925 00:41:38,539 --> 00:41:40,106 And that's still a healthy way to see it. 926 00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:42,108 Yeah, I'm a very like dude, why would you do that? 927 00:41:42,282 --> 00:41:43,544 - Dude. - You did it again. 928 00:41:43,718 --> 00:41:45,415 You know what I mean? 929 00:41:45,590 --> 00:41:46,591 I'm older than you, and I've been doing this for longer. 930 00:41:46,765 --> 00:41:48,680 - I still have that. - Yeah. 931 00:41:48,854 --> 00:41:50,159 - Yeah. - I'm saying like, it doesn't just magically go away. 932 00:41:50,333 --> 00:41:51,900 You're always going to be working on it. 933 00:41:52,074 --> 00:41:54,120 Yeah, and it's like everyone had been telling me to go 934 00:41:54,294 --> 00:41:55,513 to therapy for a long time. 935 00:41:55,687 --> 00:41:56,905 And I was like, nah. 936 00:41:57,079 --> 00:41:58,516 Like you said, that's white people. 937 00:41:58,690 --> 00:41:59,517 You know what I mean? And I was just like-- 938 00:42:02,563 --> 00:42:05,174 and my mom would tell me that you 939 00:42:05,348 --> 00:42:07,568 don't want to do that stuff because it'll be on your record. 940 00:42:07,742 --> 00:42:09,788 She told me that from a long time ago. 941 00:42:09,962 --> 00:42:11,529 And I believed it. 942 00:42:11,703 --> 00:42:14,183 But then she's like, when you want to get a real job, 943 00:42:14,357 --> 00:42:15,620 it's going to really affect you. 944 00:42:15,794 --> 00:42:18,361 But I'm like, I'm a comedian now. 945 00:42:19,058 --> 00:42:22,757 Like no matter what, this isn't going to affect me at all. 946 00:42:22,931 --> 00:42:23,976 No one's going to be like, you're 947 00:42:24,150 --> 00:42:25,368 a comedian that goes to therapy? 948 00:42:25,543 --> 00:42:26,805 We can't hire you. 949 00:42:26,979 --> 00:42:28,154 It's like, they're going to be like-- 950 00:42:28,328 --> 00:42:29,329 You're a comedian that goes therapy? 951 00:42:29,503 --> 00:42:31,461 - Thank God. - Thank God. 952 00:42:31,636 --> 00:42:32,332 We needed someone that had a little bit of self-awareness in here. 953 00:42:32,506 --> 00:42:33,463 Yeah. 954 00:42:35,161 --> 00:42:36,554 - Whose water is that? - That's yours. 955 00:42:36,728 --> 00:42:38,077 All right, I'm taking it. 956 00:42:39,992 --> 00:42:40,775 I had to ask for one. 957 00:42:40,949 --> 00:42:42,385 - My bad. - Uh-oh. 958 00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:43,561 - Did you get one? - Oh yeah. 959 00:42:43,735 --> 00:42:45,693 All right. 960 00:42:45,867 --> 00:42:47,260 [Mark] It's just the whole time, you're just going, like, 961 00:42:47,434 --> 00:42:48,566 am I doing this right? Is this good? 962 00:42:48,740 --> 00:42:50,437 I'm bored. Are they bored? 963 00:42:50,611 --> 00:42:52,134 I'm just worried the whole time. Like, is this going well? 964 00:42:52,308 --> 00:42:53,832 Amazing. 965 00:42:54,006 --> 00:42:55,660 Dude, it's fucking-- my jet lag is all fucked up. 966 00:42:55,834 --> 00:42:56,748 I heard you say once a long time ago that it's like chemical. 967 00:42:56,922 --> 00:42:58,314 Yes. 968 00:42:58,488 --> 00:42:59,402 You said you put your feet up on the wall. 969 00:42:59,577 --> 00:43:00,969 - I tried that. - Yeah. 970 00:43:01,143 --> 00:43:02,231 Learned how to do it. We're going to start now. 971 00:43:02,405 --> 00:43:03,798 So just lower the volume. 972 00:43:03,972 --> 00:43:04,799 Sure, sure. 973 00:43:04,973 --> 00:43:05,670 You look great. 974 00:43:05,844 --> 00:43:07,585 Thanks. 975 00:43:07,759 --> 00:43:09,325 I was about to sing, but I guess I'll wait. 976 00:43:09,499 --> 00:43:12,285 Comics have a ton of anxiety because as you can see, 977 00:43:12,459 --> 00:43:13,634 they're all in their head. 978 00:43:13,808 --> 00:43:14,896 That's why we're comic-- We analyze. 979 00:43:15,070 --> 00:43:16,942 We sit there and think about stuff. 980 00:43:17,856 --> 00:43:19,379 And then we're thinking about thinking. 981 00:43:19,553 --> 00:43:20,902 And then we're thinking about what we're thinking. 982 00:43:21,076 --> 00:43:22,556 And it just piles on and piles on. 983 00:43:22,730 --> 00:43:24,514 That's why I can't smoke weed because I'll just 984 00:43:24,689 --> 00:43:27,169 go in this wormhole or I just want to kill myself. 985 00:43:28,736 --> 00:43:30,259 I'll be walking on a stage, my brain's going, 986 00:43:30,433 --> 00:43:31,478 you're going to bomb this? 987 00:43:31,652 --> 00:43:33,523 This is going to be bad. You suck. 988 00:43:33,698 --> 00:43:34,742 You suck. You're not going to be able to get out of this one. 989 00:43:34,916 --> 00:43:36,439 Good luck, you loser. 990 00:43:36,614 --> 00:43:37,876 And I got to go, shut up. 991 00:43:38,050 --> 00:43:39,573 And then, hey, everybody. How are you? 992 00:43:39,747 --> 00:43:41,880 Comedy, confidence is fake. 993 00:43:42,054 --> 00:43:43,925 I know what I'm doing. 994 00:43:44,099 --> 00:43:45,666 [host] Ladies and gentlemen, we are so lucky to have him. 995 00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:48,669 Please give it up real big for Mark Normand. 996 00:43:50,366 --> 00:43:51,672 People always say, what, you're an introvert? 997 00:43:51,846 --> 00:43:53,413 You're a comedian. How does that work? 998 00:43:53,587 --> 00:43:56,329 You're anxious? Well, because I'm on a stage saying 999 00:43:56,503 --> 00:43:58,070 exactly what I want to say, exactly what 1000 00:43:58,244 --> 00:43:59,680 I've been practicing. 1001 00:43:59,854 --> 00:44:00,681 It's honed. 1002 00:44:00,855 --> 00:44:02,161 I know it works. 1003 00:44:02,335 --> 00:44:03,336 And then you can't talk. 1004 00:44:03,510 --> 00:44:04,990 And then I get to leave. 1005 00:44:05,164 --> 00:44:06,165 Everybody works out their muscles. 1006 00:44:06,339 --> 00:44:07,688 Why not work out your emotions? 1007 00:44:07,949 --> 00:44:09,255 I'll be hanging out with a friend, you know. 1008 00:44:09,429 --> 00:44:10,778 He's like, all right, man, take it easy. 1009 00:44:10,952 --> 00:44:12,911 I'm going to go work on arms and back. 1010 00:44:13,085 --> 00:44:14,782 I'm like, cool. I'm going to go work on letting go of the past 1011 00:44:14,956 --> 00:44:16,131 and accepting love. 1012 00:44:16,305 --> 00:44:17,567 I don't know if you're getting out 1013 00:44:17,742 --> 00:44:19,352 your anxiety by being a stand-up, 1014 00:44:19,526 --> 00:44:20,483 but it still is an outlet. 1015 00:44:22,355 --> 00:44:25,575 You have this weird high for a few minutes after. 1016 00:44:25,750 --> 00:44:27,577 You kind of feel like, hey, this is pretty good. 1017 00:44:27,752 --> 00:44:29,884 But then you go right back to normal life. 1018 00:44:34,323 --> 00:44:35,542 Like a friend from high school. 1019 00:44:35,716 --> 00:44:37,675 Hey, I'm in New York. 1020 00:44:37,849 --> 00:44:39,851 I'm going to come to your show tonight. Let's hang out after. 1021 00:44:40,025 --> 00:44:41,374 I'm like, come to the show. But I don't want to hang out after. 1022 00:44:41,548 --> 00:44:42,288 The hangout after party, that's where I'm like, 1023 00:44:42,462 --> 00:44:43,985 ugh, that's brutal. 1024 00:44:50,731 --> 00:44:51,601 Good morning. 1025 00:44:57,869 --> 00:44:58,739 Are you guys ready? 1026 00:45:12,187 --> 00:45:13,188 Good morning. 1027 00:45:14,407 --> 00:45:15,625 Good morning. 1028 00:45:18,846 --> 00:45:21,240 Lots of people in Florida ride their golf carts 1029 00:45:21,414 --> 00:45:23,155 to take the kids to school. 1030 00:45:23,808 --> 00:45:25,810 I used to make fun of those people, actually. 1031 00:45:25,984 --> 00:45:27,637 - That's not nice. - I agree. 1032 00:45:27,812 --> 00:45:29,465 You're right. That was mean. I'm sorry. 1033 00:45:30,597 --> 00:45:32,077 Hold on. I'm sorry. 1034 00:45:32,294 --> 00:45:33,339 I'm sorry. 1035 00:45:35,515 --> 00:45:36,995 How are you doing? 1036 00:45:37,169 --> 00:45:38,083 - Hi, good. How are you? - Good, good. Have a seat. 1037 00:45:38,257 --> 00:45:39,127 OK. 1038 00:45:39,824 --> 00:45:42,000 Oh, sorry, should I shut that? 1039 00:45:42,174 --> 00:45:44,132 All those apologies. 1040 00:45:44,916 --> 00:45:47,570 Sorry for-- never mind. 1041 00:45:47,745 --> 00:45:49,442 I'm not sorry. 1042 00:45:49,616 --> 00:45:51,444 - Good to see you. - Good to see you. 1043 00:45:51,618 --> 00:45:53,838 OK, so the purpose of the exposures 1044 00:45:54,012 --> 00:45:55,665 isn't to get rid of anxiety. 1045 00:45:56,275 --> 00:45:59,278 Exposures are increasing your tolerance of anxiety. 1046 00:45:59,452 --> 00:46:01,889 You will continue to have intrusive thoughts 1047 00:46:02,063 --> 00:46:03,499 like the rest of us. 1048 00:46:03,673 --> 00:46:05,719 But the idea is that the intrusive thoughts, 1049 00:46:05,893 --> 00:46:08,113 while they might spark some short term anxiety, 1050 00:46:08,287 --> 00:46:10,115 they don't dictate your behaviors. 1051 00:46:10,289 --> 00:46:13,161 You are learning that if you don't respond 1052 00:46:13,335 --> 00:46:15,555 to your anxiety and the intrusive thoughts, 1053 00:46:15,729 --> 00:46:18,776 that your brain will learn that there's really no threat. 1054 00:46:19,124 --> 00:46:21,691 - OK. - The thoughts will become less threatening over time. 1055 00:46:21,866 --> 00:46:23,432 - Right. - Makes sense? 1056 00:46:23,606 --> 00:46:24,825 Yes. 1057 00:46:24,999 --> 00:46:27,959 Your most common compulsions at this time 1058 00:46:28,133 --> 00:46:30,962 would be avoidance, the mother of them all. Alright? 1059 00:46:31,136 --> 00:46:33,312 You're doing other behaviors, such as information-seeking, 1060 00:46:33,486 --> 00:46:34,879 reassurance-seeking. 1061 00:46:35,053 --> 00:46:36,663 You're checking, like checking your kids and-- 1062 00:46:36,837 --> 00:46:37,925 Yeah, true. 1063 00:46:38,099 --> 00:46:39,361 And then all the sorries that you 1064 00:46:39,535 --> 00:46:40,885 say and all that people-pleasing, that's 1065 00:46:41,059 --> 00:46:42,495 all compulsions. 1066 00:46:42,669 --> 00:46:44,366 Like you say a lot of sorries. 1067 00:46:44,540 --> 00:46:46,194 I'll have you actually start tracking your sorries today, 1068 00:46:46,368 --> 00:46:47,848 including some of these other compulsions. 1069 00:46:48,022 --> 00:46:48,936 And I'll show you how to start tracking them. 1070 00:46:49,110 --> 00:46:50,285 OK. 1071 00:46:50,720 --> 00:46:52,505 So when you do exposures, we're doing 1072 00:46:52,679 --> 00:46:54,942 it to increase that level of uncertainty. 1073 00:46:55,116 --> 00:46:56,248 Again, we're purposely making you 1074 00:46:56,422 --> 00:46:57,902 more anxious in the short term. 1075 00:46:58,337 --> 00:46:59,817 I-- Why am I like this? 1076 00:46:59,991 --> 00:47:01,122 I don't know what's wrong-- like we have any-- 1077 00:47:01,296 --> 00:47:02,428 I don't know why I'm crying. 1078 00:47:02,602 --> 00:47:04,604 I think it's the idea that I'm not 1079 00:47:04,778 --> 00:47:06,780 going to be in control anymore is what. 1080 00:47:06,954 --> 00:47:08,173 You're already not in control. 1081 00:47:08,347 --> 00:47:10,218 - I like to think that I am. - Yeah. 1082 00:47:10,392 --> 00:47:12,568 But the realization that I'm wrong about that 1083 00:47:12,742 --> 00:47:13,961 makes me emotional. 1084 00:47:14,135 --> 00:47:15,528 Exposures are odd. 1085 00:47:15,702 --> 00:47:18,270 So it's OK to be emotional. This is weird. 1086 00:47:18,574 --> 00:47:23,057 Alright. OK. So I've got some exposures already written 1087 00:47:23,231 --> 00:47:25,233 - like simple to come up with, but difficult to do. - Yeah. 1088 00:47:25,407 --> 00:47:28,410 What would it be for you to just write the statement, 1089 00:47:28,584 --> 00:47:29,847 "Maybe my kids will die." 1090 00:47:30,021 --> 00:47:32,371 That's-- Why are we starting there? 1091 00:47:32,545 --> 00:47:33,502 That's excessive. 1092 00:47:33,676 --> 00:47:35,113 Um, just write it? 1093 00:47:35,287 --> 00:47:37,767 Just to write that line, "Maybe my kids will die." 1094 00:47:37,942 --> 00:47:39,726 Maybe or my kids will die? 1095 00:47:39,900 --> 00:47:40,640 Maybe. 1096 00:47:40,814 --> 00:47:42,163 Very uncomfortable. 1097 00:47:42,337 --> 00:47:43,904 OK, drink after your husband. 1098 00:47:44,470 --> 00:47:45,210 Nope. 1099 00:47:45,384 --> 00:47:46,298 Do you kiss him? 1100 00:47:46,689 --> 00:47:47,777 Yeah. 1101 00:47:47,952 --> 00:47:49,431 - With tongue, right? - Yeah. 1102 00:47:49,605 --> 00:47:51,346 So how is that different from the drinking after him? 1103 00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:52,913 - For you and your brain-- - I know-- 1104 00:47:53,087 --> 00:47:54,784 What's the differentiation? 1105 00:47:55,611 --> 00:48:00,355 I think because I'm not drinking bits of his food 1106 00:48:00,965 --> 00:48:02,053 when I kiss him. 1107 00:48:02,531 --> 00:48:03,837 Like, and it feels like-- 1108 00:48:04,011 --> 00:48:05,491 I'll have him, like, snack on crackers. 1109 00:48:05,665 --> 00:48:07,319 No, I cannot-- Listen. 1110 00:48:07,493 --> 00:48:09,234 He will never get a kiss from me again. 1111 00:48:11,540 --> 00:48:14,848 Earl-- Earlier at the session, I had to write over and over 1112 00:48:15,022 --> 00:48:16,502 and over and over again. 1113 00:48:17,851 --> 00:48:19,026 - Are you ready? - Mm-hmm. 1114 00:48:20,985 --> 00:48:22,638 Maybe my kids will die today. 1115 00:48:22,812 --> 00:48:24,684 No way. 1116 00:48:25,815 --> 00:48:26,816 That's extreme. 1117 00:48:26,991 --> 00:48:28,122 - I know. - OK. 1118 00:48:29,036 --> 00:48:30,908 Over and over and over again. 1119 00:48:31,082 --> 00:48:33,345 And she wants me to do it five times a day. 1120 00:48:33,519 --> 00:48:38,263 And she wants me to get more and more specific about the manner 1121 00:48:38,437 --> 00:48:41,744 of death as I go on. 1122 00:48:43,181 --> 00:48:44,617 Well, she's a professional, so. 1123 00:48:50,231 --> 00:48:51,929 While I'm trying to write this, I'm 1124 00:48:52,103 --> 00:48:54,105 thinking about the kitchen exploding and my kids getting 1125 00:48:54,279 --> 00:48:57,151 hit by cars outside playing basketball simultaneously. 1126 00:48:57,325 --> 00:49:01,503 So it feels like I'm in one of those 1970s torture experiments 1127 00:49:01,677 --> 00:49:03,201 at the moment. 1128 00:49:03,375 --> 00:49:06,813 So if you notice anything, that's what that is. 1129 00:49:22,568 --> 00:49:26,006 I'm looking at my impacted wisdom tooth 1130 00:49:26,746 --> 00:49:29,575 and trying to see if there's anything in there. 1131 00:49:29,749 --> 00:49:31,925 And if there is, to pull it out because I've 1132 00:49:32,099 --> 00:49:33,883 tried to keep it clean. 1133 00:49:34,058 --> 00:49:39,977 But there's a space in there, and it makes my gum stick out. 1134 00:49:40,151 --> 00:49:42,066 And I can feel it in my tongue, and it's really annoying. 1135 00:49:42,240 --> 00:49:45,939 But now I'm going to finally have it taken out. 1136 00:49:46,113 --> 00:49:51,249 But I've been doing this for 20 times a day for three years. 1137 00:49:53,947 --> 00:49:54,904 It's been an obsession. 1138 00:49:58,908 --> 00:50:01,215 These are 40 pounds each, if anyone asks. 1139 00:50:07,352 --> 00:50:08,657 - Don't worry. - I can do this all day. 1140 00:50:12,531 --> 00:50:13,575 You want some of that? 1141 00:50:22,280 --> 00:50:23,281 I mean, I really need to vacuum. 1142 00:50:23,455 --> 00:50:24,804 This is a problem. 1143 00:50:25,935 --> 00:50:28,677 My anxiety is manifested in so many different ways. 1144 00:50:28,851 --> 00:50:30,027 It's crazy. 1145 00:50:30,418 --> 00:50:32,681 Like I thought I was going blind for a while. 1146 00:50:32,855 --> 00:50:33,900 I thought I had-- 1147 00:50:34,074 --> 00:50:35,597 I'd have all these chest pains. 1148 00:50:35,771 --> 00:50:38,557 I thought I've had cancer probably 85 different times. 1149 00:50:38,731 --> 00:50:41,951 I can go through all of my photos of my life, all 1150 00:50:42,126 --> 00:50:45,999 my travel, and I can point and go, that day in Paris, 1151 00:50:46,173 --> 00:50:48,436 I was worried about my eye was twitching. 1152 00:50:48,610 --> 00:50:51,744 Or that day in London, that was when my tooth was hurting. 1153 00:50:51,918 --> 00:50:53,528 So I'll have something-- 1154 00:50:53,702 --> 00:50:55,878 I always pick something to obsess about. 1155 00:50:56,053 --> 00:50:57,445 And here's my wedding. 1156 00:50:57,619 --> 00:50:58,968 My wedding, during my wedding, I had just 1157 00:50:59,143 --> 00:51:01,884 had two root canals done where I hadn't 1158 00:51:02,059 --> 00:51:03,190 had the final crowns put on. 1159 00:51:03,364 --> 00:51:05,279 So I had temporary crowns. 1160 00:51:05,453 --> 00:51:07,586 And then I was concerned that they were going to come out 1161 00:51:07,760 --> 00:51:09,414 in my food during the wedding. 1162 00:51:09,588 --> 00:51:13,070 So my actual wedding was marred with anxiety even 1163 00:51:13,244 --> 00:51:15,768 with that spectacular Ted Baker suit. 1164 00:51:16,986 --> 00:51:18,684 This is what I discovered about marriage. 1165 00:51:18,858 --> 00:51:22,035 I feel like marriage is basically two people maneuvering 1166 00:51:22,209 --> 00:51:23,602 around each other's mental illness. 1167 00:51:25,952 --> 00:51:27,214 Right? 1168 00:51:27,388 --> 00:51:29,086 Like just have to find somebody that 1169 00:51:29,260 --> 00:51:32,306 has the right mental illness for your mental illness. 1170 00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:33,699 And my relationship, like my wife 1171 00:51:33,873 --> 00:51:35,396 has been frustrated, especially when 1172 00:51:35,570 --> 00:51:37,442 I was dealing with panic attacks, which is actually good. 1173 00:51:37,616 --> 00:51:39,096 Again, my therapist, she can kind of 1174 00:51:39,270 --> 00:51:40,880 limit my anxiety because I'm worrying 1175 00:51:41,054 --> 00:51:42,229 and worrying and worrying, talking and talking 1176 00:51:42,403 --> 00:51:43,535 about what I'm worried about. 1177 00:51:43,839 --> 00:51:44,840 And she's like, I don't know what to do. 1178 00:51:45,014 --> 00:51:46,886 I don't know what else to do. 1179 00:51:47,060 --> 00:51:50,019 And you go, Jesus, I'm going to lose my wife if I don't stop. 1180 00:51:50,194 --> 00:51:51,847 So it actually is kind of nice. 1181 00:51:52,021 --> 00:51:53,849 Because sometimes, you need that because it puts a cap on it. 1182 00:51:54,023 --> 00:51:57,853 Because you're like, God, I'm ruining people's day here. 1183 00:51:58,027 --> 00:51:59,812 And this could cost me a relationship if I keep-- 1184 00:51:59,986 --> 00:52:02,119 I got to get this in hand. 1185 00:52:02,293 --> 00:52:03,903 My wife is sweet. 1186 00:52:04,077 --> 00:52:05,296 Sometimes, I feel like she doesn't even know me though. 1187 00:52:05,470 --> 00:52:06,949 I was on the road recently, and I couldn't 1188 00:52:07,124 --> 00:52:08,429 sleep because I had anxiety. So I called her at home. 1189 00:52:08,603 --> 00:52:09,691 And I was like, I'm having trouble sleeping. 1190 00:52:09,865 --> 00:52:11,302 And she's so sweet. 1191 00:52:11,476 --> 00:52:12,303 She was like, "have you tried masturbating?" 1192 00:52:14,783 --> 00:52:16,742 I was like, that is adorable that you thought that I 1193 00:52:16,916 --> 00:52:18,135 hadn't thought to masturbate. 1194 00:52:22,008 --> 00:52:23,531 Hate the small talk. 1195 00:52:23,705 --> 00:52:24,880 Two things I can't do is small talk and eye contact. 1196 00:52:25,054 --> 00:52:26,578 How sad is that? 1197 00:52:26,752 --> 00:52:27,927 I basically have all the traits of a serial killer, 1198 00:52:28,101 --> 00:52:29,320 just without the ambition. 1199 00:52:30,234 --> 00:52:31,626 I'm working on it. 1200 00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:32,975 People say, "Mark, ought to be more confident." 1201 00:52:33,150 --> 00:52:34,281 They say, "Mark, got to be yourself." 1202 00:52:34,455 --> 00:52:35,500 I'm like, well, you got to pick one. 1203 00:52:37,197 --> 00:52:38,851 I can't do both of those. 1204 00:52:41,941 --> 00:52:45,292 I've had quick instances of dating people where they were 1205 00:52:45,466 --> 00:52:49,296 not anxious, and it's too hard. 1206 00:52:52,430 --> 00:52:53,779 Hey. 1207 00:52:53,953 --> 00:52:54,693 Every girl would go on a date with, will be like, 1208 00:52:54,867 --> 00:52:55,607 "you're so awkward. 1209 00:52:55,781 --> 00:52:57,130 God, you're so awkward." 1210 00:52:57,304 --> 00:52:58,914 And I'm like, all right, I don't know what to do. 1211 00:52:59,088 --> 00:53:00,873 Like, do you think that helps? 1212 00:53:01,047 --> 00:53:03,180 You saying that, it's not going to make me all of a sudden suave 1213 00:53:03,354 --> 00:53:05,138 and confident. You know? 1214 00:53:05,312 --> 00:53:06,835 So like, that always annoyed me. 1215 00:53:07,009 --> 00:53:08,794 But I think every now and then you 1216 00:53:08,968 --> 00:53:11,144 meet like that one girl out of 50 who likes the awkward guy. 1217 00:53:11,318 --> 00:53:13,233 Hey, all right. 1218 00:53:15,279 --> 00:53:16,541 This is Mae. 1219 00:53:16,715 --> 00:53:17,455 Hello. 1220 00:53:17,629 --> 00:53:19,152 From Massachusetts. 1221 00:53:19,326 --> 00:53:21,328 So I did a show at The Stand. 1222 00:53:21,502 --> 00:53:23,983 And some joke really, 1223 00:53:24,157 --> 00:53:25,506 you remembered and you emailed me. 1224 00:53:25,680 --> 00:53:27,116 Well, back up a little bit. 1225 00:53:27,291 --> 00:53:28,988 So I went to the comedy show. 1226 00:53:29,162 --> 00:53:30,816 And then, I don't know. 1227 00:53:30,990 --> 00:53:31,773 Then Mark got on stage. 1228 00:53:31,947 --> 00:53:33,384 And I was like, whoa. 1229 00:53:33,558 --> 00:53:34,950 - Uh... - I was like, he's super cute. 1230 00:53:35,124 --> 00:53:36,169 I like what he's saying. 1231 00:53:36,343 --> 00:53:37,823 I think we made eye contact. 1232 00:53:37,997 --> 00:53:39,607 - Yeah. - That was the joke. 1233 00:53:39,781 --> 00:53:41,783 It's just too intense. 1234 00:53:41,957 --> 00:53:43,437 I feel it too much. 1235 00:53:43,611 --> 00:53:45,396 It's-- I look someone in the eye, and I'm like, 1236 00:53:45,570 --> 00:53:47,180 I guess we're in love now. 1237 00:53:47,354 --> 00:53:49,182 It's too much contact. 1238 00:53:49,356 --> 00:53:51,053 I can't take it. It bothers me. 1239 00:53:51,228 --> 00:53:54,231 - I messaged you on Facebook the next morning. - Yeah. 1240 00:53:54,405 --> 00:53:56,929 And I was like, we made eye contact more than once 1241 00:53:57,103 --> 00:53:58,147 so I take it we're in love now. 1242 00:53:58,322 --> 00:54:00,324 Yeah, pretty good line. 1243 00:54:00,498 --> 00:54:01,760 Pretty good. 1244 00:54:01,934 --> 00:54:04,545 She's incredibly anxious, which is nice. 1245 00:54:05,024 --> 00:54:08,549 But she has crazy anxiety, but she's not an introvert. 1246 00:54:08,723 --> 00:54:10,638 You have anxiety, like, what's going to happen in the future? 1247 00:54:10,812 --> 00:54:12,031 Oh, exactly. 1248 00:54:12,205 --> 00:54:13,598 Where the hell are we going to be? 1249 00:54:13,772 --> 00:54:14,773 Mine's much more like existential and annoying 1250 00:54:14,947 --> 00:54:16,427 - than his is. - Mine is social. 1251 00:54:16,601 --> 00:54:17,993 Right, like every day I come home, 1252 00:54:18,167 --> 00:54:20,126 I'm like, what if I never find my passion? 1253 00:54:20,300 --> 00:54:22,737 Like, we were just having a great night, 1254 00:54:22,911 --> 00:54:27,742 post-coital, naked, couch, hugging, watching some TV show. 1255 00:54:27,916 --> 00:54:29,831 And she was just like, my anxiety is through the roof. 1256 00:54:30,005 --> 00:54:32,051 And I was like, what? I'm going-- 1257 00:54:32,225 --> 00:54:34,009 This is great. What are you talking about? 1258 00:54:34,183 --> 00:54:35,837 Post-sex, everything's good. 1259 00:54:36,011 --> 00:54:38,449 Everybody orgasm, naked. 1260 00:54:38,623 --> 00:54:42,104 We ate, TV, doors locked. 1261 00:54:42,279 --> 00:54:44,846 And she's like, I'm just worried about my future. 1262 00:54:45,020 --> 00:54:46,239 And I'm like, your future? 1263 00:54:48,850 --> 00:54:49,634 Give a little show. 1264 00:54:57,816 --> 00:54:59,426 I could go for soup today. 1265 00:54:59,600 --> 00:55:01,733 Ooh. 1266 00:55:01,907 --> 00:55:03,778 Ain't got a... What's that place by your house? 1267 00:55:04,518 --> 00:55:07,391 Um, the place that I get samples all the time, 1268 00:55:07,565 --> 00:55:08,783 and then promptly leave without buying anything. 1269 00:55:08,957 --> 00:55:10,219 - Uh-huh. - Mm-hmm. 1270 00:55:10,394 --> 00:55:11,786 [man screams] 1271 00:55:11,960 --> 00:55:13,658 I have to document what we're going to do. 1272 00:55:13,832 --> 00:55:15,529 You have to help me with an exposure, if you don't mind. 1273 00:55:15,703 --> 00:55:17,357 - OK. - Can you come back over here? 1274 00:55:17,531 --> 00:55:20,926 Lick your hand, and then put it here. 1275 00:55:21,100 --> 00:55:22,754 From palm to fingertips. 1276 00:55:22,928 --> 00:55:24,364 From palm to fingertips. 1277 00:55:24,538 --> 00:55:26,018 You can wash your hand if you want. 1278 00:55:26,235 --> 00:55:27,324 No. 1279 00:55:27,498 --> 00:55:28,325 OK, he did it. 1280 00:55:28,499 --> 00:55:30,588 I can see the spit. 1281 00:55:30,762 --> 00:55:33,025 OK, good. Now touch it, and then lick your hand. 1282 00:55:34,722 --> 00:55:35,810 I love you. 1283 00:55:36,942 --> 00:55:38,552 Don't push my hand down. 1284 00:55:38,726 --> 00:55:39,553 Now you lick it. 1285 00:55:39,727 --> 00:55:40,598 - I have to. - Really? 1286 00:55:40,772 --> 00:55:42,730 Yeah. 1287 00:55:45,516 --> 00:55:46,952 Welcome to exposure therapy. 1288 00:55:47,126 --> 00:55:48,519 I want to see tongue to hand. 1289 00:55:49,171 --> 00:55:51,957 It's not you, I promise. 1290 00:55:52,131 --> 00:55:54,351 It's the idea of licking spit. 1291 00:55:54,525 --> 00:55:55,961 All right, well, don't let it dry. 1292 00:55:56,135 --> 00:55:57,919 - Come on, now. - Thank you. 1293 00:55:58,093 --> 00:55:58,877 All right, five times a day. 1294 00:55:59,051 --> 00:56:00,269 Good work. 1295 00:56:00,444 --> 00:56:01,532 We have to do that five times a day. 1296 00:56:03,229 --> 00:56:04,970 You don't want me to touch you? 1297 00:56:09,409 --> 00:56:11,368 My wife says I dissociate. 1298 00:56:12,456 --> 00:56:14,196 When we have sometimes hard talks, 1299 00:56:14,371 --> 00:56:17,243 like hard relationship talks, I literally look at the clock 1300 00:56:17,417 --> 00:56:18,810 and start staring at the clock. 1301 00:56:18,984 --> 00:56:22,074 And then as if my body is melting, 1302 00:56:22,248 --> 00:56:25,077 I just slowly but slowly kind of just my chest caves in 1303 00:56:25,251 --> 00:56:28,428 and my head comes down, and I won't speak. 1304 00:56:28,602 --> 00:56:29,603 And she's like, "are you OK? 1305 00:56:29,777 --> 00:56:31,300 Are you OK?" 1306 00:56:31,475 --> 00:56:35,304 It's super convenient for a relationship, 1307 00:56:35,479 --> 00:56:37,829 for when you want to say something to your husband, 1308 00:56:38,003 --> 00:56:41,876 and he goes into the doldrums for 30 1309 00:56:42,050 --> 00:56:45,880 minutes at the simple things, really easy stuff to manage. 1310 00:56:48,405 --> 00:56:49,754 I always trying to get better. 1311 00:56:49,928 --> 00:56:51,320 I'm a weirdo. 1312 00:56:51,495 --> 00:56:52,147 That's why I drink. Big fan of the booze. 1313 00:56:52,321 --> 00:56:54,106 I got to cut back. 1314 00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:55,803 I actually got let go from a job once for being drunk at work. 1315 00:56:55,977 --> 00:56:57,457 Yeah. 1316 00:56:57,631 --> 00:56:59,459 My boss called me. And he goes, "get in here, Mark. 1317 00:56:59,633 --> 00:57:01,896 It's clear you're a high functioning alcoholic." 1318 00:57:02,070 --> 00:57:03,158 I was like, wow. 1319 00:57:03,332 --> 00:57:04,290 How do you know I was also high? 1320 00:57:06,031 --> 00:57:07,859 Totally self-medicating with the drinking. 1321 00:57:08,033 --> 00:57:09,730 I enjoy beer. 1322 00:57:09,904 --> 00:57:10,688 I like a glass of beer. 1323 00:57:10,862 --> 00:57:12,211 I like a scotch. 1324 00:57:12,559 --> 00:57:14,082 But there's definitely a point where I go, all right, 1325 00:57:14,256 --> 00:57:15,562 I'm pretty buzzed. 1326 00:57:15,736 --> 00:57:17,390 I get stopped, and I just keep going. 1327 00:57:17,564 --> 00:57:18,696 Because you're like, well, this feels good. 1328 00:57:18,870 --> 00:57:21,263 Why not keep going? 1329 00:57:21,438 --> 00:57:23,091 And then you're blacked out. Then you wet the bed, and then you're married in Vegas. 1330 00:57:23,265 --> 00:57:25,093 I drank. That's how I self-medicated. 1331 00:57:25,267 --> 00:57:26,399 I was an alcoholic. 1332 00:57:26,573 --> 00:57:28,314 I am an alcoholic. I'm in recovery. 1333 00:57:28,488 --> 00:57:32,144 But I drank an exceptional amount. 1334 00:57:32,318 --> 00:57:35,974 Because that felt like I can drown this or drink it away. 1335 00:57:36,148 --> 00:57:39,543 And you feel, now, I'm confident and less worried in your mind. 1336 00:57:39,717 --> 00:57:41,719 And then when you're hungover, like alcohol 1337 00:57:41,893 --> 00:57:45,113 is a depressant, which you're not really aware of or keeping in mind. 1338 00:57:45,287 --> 00:57:47,507 You're just sort of drinking because it feels 1339 00:57:47,681 --> 00:57:49,030 like it's making you happy. 1340 00:57:49,204 --> 00:57:51,380 But then you're just dumping a depressant 1341 00:57:51,555 --> 00:57:54,471 on top of a depression, anxiety, and insecurity. 1342 00:57:55,515 --> 00:57:57,735 I mean, I genuinely think if comedy 1343 00:57:57,909 --> 00:58:00,694 didn't exist as an art form, I mean, 1344 00:58:00,868 --> 00:58:02,827 I might literally have killed myself. 1345 00:58:03,001 --> 00:58:05,569 I mean, I was dealing with such anxiety and panic 1346 00:58:05,743 --> 00:58:06,700 and depression. 1347 00:58:06,874 --> 00:58:08,963 And I had that thing to go to. 1348 00:58:09,137 --> 00:58:12,184 And I don't know. 1349 00:58:12,358 --> 00:58:15,361 Yeah, it's definitely been a huge part of who I am. 1350 00:58:15,535 --> 00:58:16,667 And it helped me through it. 1351 00:58:17,972 --> 00:58:19,278 There's a lot of things I don't give 1352 00:58:19,452 --> 00:58:20,975 a shit about that I used to, that were 1353 00:58:21,149 --> 00:58:22,586 big anxiety producing things. 1354 00:58:22,760 --> 00:58:26,024 And I think with age and certainly with money, 1355 00:58:26,198 --> 00:58:28,809 a lot of that stuff is sort of just null and void. 1356 00:58:28,983 --> 00:58:30,463 And it's a relief. 1357 00:58:31,638 --> 00:58:34,989 But then you start to get into deeper issues like why 1358 00:58:35,163 --> 00:58:36,861 am I still not enjoying myself? 1359 00:58:37,035 --> 00:58:42,519 Why am I still feeling like less than or uncomfortable 1360 00:58:42,693 --> 00:58:43,737 in certain situations? 1361 00:58:43,911 --> 00:58:45,173 What is that about? 1362 00:58:46,523 --> 00:58:49,787 So we are going to the fair. Um... 1363 00:58:50,570 --> 00:58:54,139 Usually, I probably would hang back at the house. 1364 00:58:54,618 --> 00:59:00,972 Um, but I am going to challenge myself to go and not... 1365 00:59:03,844 --> 00:59:07,282 ...and in the words of Natalie, bite my tongue. 1366 00:59:08,066 --> 00:59:10,068 I've seen a lot of videos of fair rides 1367 00:59:10,242 --> 00:59:12,287 flying off and killing people. 1368 00:59:15,639 --> 00:59:18,119 But the likelihood of that happening is very small. 1369 00:59:18,729 --> 00:59:20,687 So I'm going to try and go and have a good time. 1370 00:59:22,254 --> 00:59:24,299 So first things first, updates. 1371 00:59:24,473 --> 00:59:26,084 We were emailing each other over the weekend 1372 00:59:26,258 --> 00:59:27,476 because you were going to the fair 1373 00:59:27,651 --> 00:59:28,869 and that was causing you some anxiety. 1374 00:59:29,043 --> 00:59:30,218 Just right off the bat. 1375 00:59:30,392 --> 00:59:31,480 We're just jumping right into it. 1376 00:59:31,655 --> 00:59:33,134 - Why not? Why not? - OK. 1377 00:59:33,308 --> 00:59:35,572 I was ready for pleasantries, but we can just... 1378 00:59:37,443 --> 00:59:40,533 I-- I did OK at the fair. 1379 00:59:40,707 --> 00:59:43,275 And then my kids wanted to go on this ride 1380 00:59:43,449 --> 00:59:45,625 that I had seen of it. You might have seen it. 1381 00:59:45,799 --> 00:59:48,323 But the ride was, um, 1382 00:59:48,497 --> 00:59:50,021 it goes like this in a circle really fast. 1383 00:59:50,195 --> 00:59:52,327 It was starting to fall back. 1384 00:59:52,501 --> 00:59:55,679 And everybody at the fair had to come and jump on the railing 1385 00:59:55,853 --> 00:59:57,550 to counterbalance it. 1386 00:59:57,724 --> 00:59:59,508 And that's the ride my kids wanted to go on. 1387 00:59:59,683 --> 01:00:01,510 And so I was having a nervous breakdown. 1388 01:00:01,685 --> 01:00:04,426 I couldn't watch. But then I was like, that defeats the purpose. 1389 01:00:04,601 --> 01:00:07,865 So I forced myself to watch, but I was miserable. 1390 01:00:08,039 --> 01:00:09,867 And I was snapping on my husband. 1391 01:00:10,041 --> 01:00:12,739 And he's like, what's wrong with you? 1392 01:00:12,913 --> 01:00:15,220 And I'm like, what do you mean what's wrong with me? 1393 01:00:16,656 --> 01:00:19,050 And as soon as they got off the ride that I was scared of, 1394 01:00:19,224 --> 01:00:20,268 Chloe said, it was horrible. 1395 01:00:20,442 --> 01:00:22,488 Kaiden puked in a garbage can. 1396 01:00:22,662 --> 01:00:25,056 It was really rough for all of us. 1397 01:00:25,665 --> 01:00:27,928 And your kids could tell you were anxious at the fair? 1398 01:00:29,451 --> 01:00:31,758 Yeah, probably. I-- 1399 01:00:33,064 --> 01:00:36,154 At that point, yeah, they could definitely tell for sure. 1400 01:00:36,328 --> 01:00:38,809 Your kids come first throughout this entire process. 1401 01:00:38,983 --> 01:00:40,506 Your kids come first. 1402 01:00:40,898 --> 01:00:42,508 It would have been fine if you walked away for a little bit 1403 01:00:42,682 --> 01:00:44,510 until you felt a little bit better 1404 01:00:44,684 --> 01:00:46,381 or the anxiety went down a little bit better, 1405 01:00:46,555 --> 01:00:47,774 and then come back. 1406 01:00:47,948 --> 01:00:49,646 Because at the end of the day, we 1407 01:00:49,820 --> 01:00:52,910 want to make sure that they're not seeing their mom anxious all 1408 01:00:53,084 --> 01:00:56,304 the time, and that they can enjoy themselves. 1409 01:00:58,045 --> 01:00:59,612 Yeah, that makes sense. 1410 01:00:59,786 --> 01:01:01,179 I thought I could. 1411 01:01:06,575 --> 01:01:09,143 I'm just tired of being scared all the time. 1412 01:01:09,317 --> 01:01:10,754 - It's just exhausting. - Yes, yes. 1413 01:01:10,928 --> 01:01:13,365 I'm just being like, I'm scared that I like this. 1414 01:01:13,539 --> 01:01:14,975 This person's going to be right. 1415 01:01:15,149 --> 01:01:16,542 I'm scared that I'm a failure. 1416 01:01:16,716 --> 01:01:18,326 I'm scared that I'm this, that, and the third. 1417 01:01:18,500 --> 01:01:19,937 And I'm like, I'm done with that. 1418 01:01:20,111 --> 01:01:21,503 - I'm just tired of that feeling. - Yeah. 1419 01:01:21,678 --> 01:01:23,418 I feel that. 1420 01:01:23,592 --> 01:01:24,724 I don't want that to be the thing that propels me forward 1421 01:01:24,898 --> 01:01:26,726 in life. 1422 01:01:26,900 --> 01:01:28,380 Because it's gotten me this far, but I'm like, -Yes. 1423 01:01:28,554 --> 01:01:30,121 I don't want that to be the thing anymore. 1424 01:01:30,295 --> 01:01:32,340 There is no like, you're going, 1425 01:01:32,514 --> 01:01:34,386 everything's going to magically 1426 01:01:34,560 --> 01:01:37,519 click into place like a reverse Jenga where you find the piece, 1427 01:01:37,694 --> 01:01:40,000 - and then the tower builds itself off of that. - Yeah. 1428 01:01:40,174 --> 01:01:42,524 You're always going to be, in some way, 1429 01:01:42,699 --> 01:01:46,180 actively involved in your own mental health. 1430 01:01:46,354 --> 01:01:48,226 - You want to get better. - Yeah. 1431 01:01:48,400 --> 01:01:52,056 - You want to be a person that is no longer scared. - Yeah. 1432 01:01:52,230 --> 01:01:54,232 And by the way, when I say all these things, 1433 01:01:54,406 --> 01:01:56,930 - I'm not saying it from a place of like, I mastered it. - Yeah, yeah. 1434 01:01:57,104 --> 01:01:58,149 I figured it all out. 1435 01:01:58,323 --> 01:01:59,977 Just do what I did. 1436 01:02:00,151 --> 01:02:02,544 I'm still in the grips of trying to figure it out myself. 1437 01:02:03,241 --> 01:02:04,633 I think I'm spiritual, maybe. 1438 01:02:04,808 --> 01:02:05,634 I don't know. 1439 01:02:05,809 --> 01:02:06,984 Nah, probably not. 1440 01:02:11,423 --> 01:02:13,425 Like when did this question become so popular? 1441 01:02:13,599 --> 01:02:15,427 Like, I get it like three or four times a week. 1442 01:02:15,601 --> 01:02:17,037 Hey, are you meditating? Do you meditate? 1443 01:02:17,211 --> 01:02:18,430 It's like, what's happening? When did that-- 1444 01:02:18,604 --> 01:02:19,561 Why is everyone asking me that? 1445 01:02:21,346 --> 01:02:23,435 Like, does that happen to you, or is it crazy? 1446 01:02:23,609 --> 01:02:24,915 Are you meditating? 1447 01:02:25,089 --> 01:02:27,047 Are you guys part of the same team? Why-- 1448 01:02:27,221 --> 01:02:29,267 No, I'm not fucking meditating. 1449 01:02:29,441 --> 01:02:30,964 But in all honesty, I got to where you needed to be. 1450 01:02:31,138 --> 01:02:34,228 The one time I meditated successfully, I cleared my mind. 1451 01:02:34,402 --> 01:02:35,621 I cleared my ego. 1452 01:02:35,795 --> 01:02:36,970 Everything was open. 1453 01:02:37,144 --> 01:02:39,668 I hit that point of zen. 1454 01:02:39,843 --> 01:02:43,760 And all I could hear was my breath and my heart beating. 1455 01:02:43,934 --> 01:02:46,980 And right at that moment, I thought this could fucking stop at any second. 1456 01:02:54,118 --> 01:02:56,598 Let your attention go inward. 1457 01:02:57,643 --> 01:03:03,736 And notice if there's tension in your body, notice the breathing. 1458 01:03:04,345 --> 01:03:08,872 Sometimes, it helps to take a long, deep, slow in breath. 1459 01:03:09,873 --> 01:03:14,051 Counting to four or five, and then a slow outbreath. 1460 01:03:15,443 --> 01:03:17,097 Counting to four or five. 1461 01:03:18,707 --> 01:03:21,536 And do it a few rounds so that when you inhale, 1462 01:03:21,710 --> 01:03:24,148 you're filling your chest and lungs. 1463 01:03:26,150 --> 01:03:27,978 And with the outbreath, it's slow enough 1464 01:03:28,152 --> 01:03:31,068 so you can feel the sensations of letting go. 1465 01:03:32,286 --> 01:03:34,332 That's right, letting go. 1466 01:03:36,856 --> 01:03:41,121 So as you now bring your attention to scanning your life 1467 01:03:41,295 --> 01:03:45,517 and sensing that situation that most 1468 01:03:45,691 --> 01:03:49,390 triggers a reaction, 1469 01:03:51,784 --> 01:03:54,395 recognizing whatever is predominant. 1470 01:03:56,658 --> 01:04:01,185 Well, I think it's a desire for peace, 1471 01:04:01,359 --> 01:04:07,191 a feeling of peace for myself and for my family and people 1472 01:04:07,365 --> 01:04:08,279 I love. 1473 01:04:09,367 --> 01:04:13,501 I guess there's a lot of pain there, fear and pain, anger. 1474 01:04:15,373 --> 01:04:18,550 Can you just let them be here for now 1475 01:04:21,205 --> 01:04:25,818 and begin to investigate what is it 1476 01:04:25,992 --> 01:04:31,171 you're believing that makes you feel stuck, makes you feel 1477 01:04:31,345 --> 01:04:33,217 anxious, makes you feel angry? 1478 01:04:34,392 --> 01:04:36,176 Well, it feels like everybody I've 1479 01:04:36,350 --> 01:04:41,007 ever met is seeing and judging me, which feels strange to say 1480 01:04:41,181 --> 01:04:44,881 but that's in there somehow. 1481 01:04:47,579 --> 01:04:48,754 All right, let's do a worry search. 1482 01:04:49,363 --> 01:04:50,495 OK. 1483 01:04:51,148 --> 01:04:53,846 Um, biggest fear of where your kids are going to die? 1484 01:04:54,020 --> 01:04:57,806 Most freaking life-ruining one is choking 1485 01:04:57,981 --> 01:05:00,809 and me not being able to Heimlich them 1486 01:05:00,984 --> 01:05:02,899 - OK. - or getting kidnapped. 1487 01:05:03,073 --> 01:05:04,683 - We'll do the choking. - OK. 1488 01:05:04,857 --> 01:05:05,989 And where would they choke? 1489 01:05:06,163 --> 01:05:07,425 Would this be in public or at home? 1490 01:05:07,599 --> 01:05:09,035 What's most of the image in your head? 1491 01:05:09,209 --> 01:05:10,471 - Home. - OK, good. 1492 01:05:10,645 --> 01:05:12,212 God, any of them. 1493 01:05:12,386 --> 01:05:14,911 When I'm not home, nobody else watches them like I do. 1494 01:05:15,085 --> 01:05:19,350 No, it's better if you see them die for the worry script. 1495 01:05:19,524 --> 01:05:22,483 It's just much more impactful if you see it. Alright. 1496 01:05:22,875 --> 01:05:24,703 I just don't even want to know where this is going. 1497 01:05:24,877 --> 01:05:27,619 Let me write this up real quick. 1498 01:05:33,494 --> 01:05:35,018 So the point isn't that we get rid 1499 01:05:35,192 --> 01:05:36,715 of discomfort or all anxiety. 1500 01:05:36,889 --> 01:05:41,502 It's just so that your brain becomes a bit bored 1501 01:05:41,676 --> 01:05:44,505 with the thoughts that you keep having like choking. 1502 01:05:44,679 --> 01:05:47,334 And then therefore, it doesn't rule your life. 1503 01:05:47,508 --> 01:05:50,207 So five times a day, you got to read that repeatedly. 1504 01:05:50,381 --> 01:05:51,338 Read it out loud. 1505 01:05:52,209 --> 01:05:53,906 I'm screaming Chloe's name. 1506 01:05:54,080 --> 01:05:56,126 She's thrashing around on the ground 1507 01:05:56,300 --> 01:05:59,129 by the kitchen table with her hands around her throat. 1508 01:06:00,086 --> 01:06:02,915 I see that there's still part of a hot dog on a plate from lunch. 1509 01:06:03,089 --> 01:06:04,569 I ask her if she ate a hot dog. 1510 01:06:04,743 --> 01:06:05,962 She can't respond. 1511 01:06:06,136 --> 01:06:08,138 I run to get the DeChoker from the drawer. 1512 01:06:08,312 --> 01:06:09,661 Fuck. 1513 01:06:09,835 --> 01:06:11,576 My hands are shaking too much to use it. 1514 01:06:11,750 --> 01:06:15,145 I look at Chloe and a single tear goes down her cheek. 1515 01:06:15,319 --> 01:06:17,277 I tell her I love her. 1516 01:06:20,280 --> 01:06:21,673 You got this. 1517 01:06:21,847 --> 01:06:23,022 Let's just continue to read. You got this. 1518 01:06:23,196 --> 01:06:24,893 That's so mean of you to write that. 1519 01:06:25,068 --> 01:06:26,721 Well, but it's not on purpose. 1520 01:06:26,895 --> 01:06:28,462 I hope you know that. 1521 01:06:28,636 --> 01:06:32,379 The worry script is you think about what your fear is. 1522 01:06:32,553 --> 01:06:34,381 And if it's put in a paragraph form, 1523 01:06:34,555 --> 01:06:36,122 the whole point of worry script is to burn out 1524 01:06:36,296 --> 01:06:37,994 whatever fear somebody has. Right? 1525 01:06:38,820 --> 01:06:41,214 Whether it's somebody drowning in a pool, whether it's-- well, 1526 01:06:41,388 --> 01:06:43,782 for some people, it's like getting fired or going broke. 1527 01:06:43,956 --> 01:06:46,915 Whatever fear somebody has where we can't do an in vivo exposure, 1528 01:06:47,090 --> 01:06:48,308 we got to do a worry script. 1529 01:06:48,700 --> 01:06:49,614 Did you hear any of that? 1530 01:06:50,006 --> 01:06:51,268 Yeah. 1531 01:06:52,312 --> 01:06:53,792 Ugh. 1532 01:06:53,966 --> 01:06:56,142 So you don't allow the kids to be alone, ever? 1533 01:06:56,316 --> 01:06:57,926 - No. - OK, good. 1534 01:06:58,188 --> 01:06:59,798 So I want you to leave the kids alone at least once a day 1535 01:06:59,972 --> 01:07:01,626 where you go shower or read a book. 1536 01:07:01,800 --> 01:07:03,497 This is dangerous. 1537 01:07:04,542 --> 01:07:06,500 And if you don't improve on this, 1538 01:07:06,674 --> 01:07:09,155 the impact this is going to have on your kids is dangerous. 1539 01:07:11,244 --> 01:07:13,768 So every day, there needs to be some instance where 1540 01:07:13,942 --> 01:07:14,769 the kids are left alone. 1541 01:07:14,943 --> 01:07:16,336 Like how long? 1542 01:07:16,510 --> 01:07:18,425 Typically, until your anxiety goes down. 1543 01:07:18,599 --> 01:07:21,385 OK, but can I tell them not to-- I always-- 1544 01:07:21,559 --> 01:07:22,647 If I have to run upstairs-- 1545 01:07:22,821 --> 01:07:24,214 No instructions. No instruction. 1546 01:07:24,388 --> 01:07:25,563 No, but not eating. 1547 01:07:25,737 --> 01:07:27,434 No instructions. 1548 01:07:27,608 --> 01:07:30,655 I don't even think they'll let me be alone. 1549 01:07:32,048 --> 01:07:34,224 I'm going to go upstairs for a couple of minutes, OK? 1550 01:07:36,922 --> 01:07:37,749 That one. 1551 01:07:38,010 --> 01:07:39,446 I already got that one. 1552 01:07:39,620 --> 01:07:41,231 Hey, guys, I'm going to go upstairs 1553 01:07:41,405 --> 01:07:42,493 for a couple of minutes, OK? 1554 01:07:42,667 --> 01:07:43,537 OK. 1555 01:07:43,711 --> 01:07:44,669 Why? 1556 01:07:44,930 --> 01:07:46,584 Because I have to do something. 1557 01:07:46,758 --> 01:07:47,759 OK, fine. 1558 01:07:47,933 --> 01:07:49,239 All right. Love you. 1559 01:08:01,903 --> 01:08:04,602 So they could give two shits. 1560 01:08:05,951 --> 01:08:09,302 Literally, the first time I said it, they just ignored me. 1561 01:08:09,476 --> 01:08:11,913 And then I was like, hey guys, go. 1562 01:08:12,088 --> 01:08:13,654 And they're like, fine. 1563 01:08:13,959 --> 01:08:18,137 I don't think they're old enough to be on their own, really. 1564 01:08:20,139 --> 01:08:23,882 But sounds like they're fine. 1565 01:08:30,889 --> 01:08:32,673 I haven't fixed this board. 1566 01:08:34,849 --> 01:08:37,243 OK, you know what? 1567 01:08:37,417 --> 01:08:38,244 That's fine. 1568 01:08:41,029 --> 01:08:42,466 My laundry pile is there. 1569 01:08:42,640 --> 01:08:43,771 So let's-- 1570 01:08:47,340 --> 01:08:49,429 I can hear them talking so I like that. 1571 01:08:57,220 --> 01:09:00,875 It's really weird. 1572 01:09:02,921 --> 01:09:05,053 I'm-- There's nothing on my-- 1573 01:09:05,228 --> 01:09:08,144 I'm just clicking buttons because I can't focus. 1574 01:09:08,318 --> 01:09:09,623 Just be relaxed. 1575 01:09:10,058 --> 01:09:11,016 Just casual. 1576 01:09:13,497 --> 01:09:14,889 I don't know what to read. 1577 01:09:16,978 --> 01:09:21,548 My anxiety stopped me from having children. 1578 01:09:23,115 --> 01:09:24,638 But I'm not sad about it. 1579 01:09:24,986 --> 01:09:30,383 My panic and worry level operates in such a way 1580 01:09:30,557 --> 01:09:31,906 that it just would not... 1581 01:09:32,080 --> 01:09:34,387 ...it just seems like a nightmare to me. 1582 01:09:35,127 --> 01:09:37,085 I walk up the house. I turn out the lights. 1583 01:09:37,260 --> 01:09:38,739 I'm about to go to bed. And out on the front porch, I hear-- 1584 01:09:38,913 --> 01:09:41,873 [vocalizing meow] 1585 01:09:42,134 --> 01:09:43,788 And I'm like, what? 1586 01:09:43,962 --> 01:09:45,833 And I go pull the curtain back, and there's 1587 01:09:46,007 --> 01:09:48,749 this little two-month-old black kitten sitting there. 1588 01:09:48,923 --> 01:09:51,056 Aww... 1589 01:09:52,536 --> 01:09:53,885 That's the proper response. 1590 01:09:55,495 --> 01:09:56,888 That is not the response I had. 1591 01:09:58,759 --> 01:10:00,544 My response was, aw, fuck. 1592 01:10:05,766 --> 01:10:07,594 Now I got to fucking love you now? 1593 01:10:10,206 --> 01:10:12,338 ♪ OK, little baby ♪ 1594 01:10:12,512 --> 01:10:14,427 ♪ My quarantine baby ♪ 1595 01:10:14,601 --> 01:10:18,301 ♪ My quarantine baby, yeah ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪ 1596 01:10:18,866 --> 01:10:20,216 I'm very embarrassed. 1597 01:10:20,390 --> 01:10:21,608 My cat has been diagnosed with anxiety. 1598 01:10:21,782 --> 01:10:24,437 I'm like, it is my fault. It must be. 1599 01:10:24,611 --> 01:10:27,135 It just can't be that he's anxious, too, somehow. 1600 01:10:28,441 --> 01:10:31,139 I went to the vet, and they were like, he's a nervous boy. 1601 01:10:31,314 --> 01:10:33,011 And I was like, why? 1602 01:10:33,185 --> 01:10:38,364 And I think that he just is like that. 1603 01:10:38,538 --> 01:10:39,757 I think he was born that way. 1604 01:10:39,931 --> 01:10:40,714 He's so cute. 1605 01:10:40,888 --> 01:10:42,499 He's horrible, though. 1606 01:10:42,673 --> 01:10:43,804 I love him. 1607 01:10:45,545 --> 01:10:48,374 I had to give him an anti-anxiety pill. 1608 01:10:48,548 --> 01:10:50,376 And now, he's like flopping around. 1609 01:10:50,550 --> 01:10:52,248 I'm like, I need one of these. 1610 01:10:52,422 --> 01:10:54,293 But I don't because they knocked me out. 1611 01:10:57,601 --> 01:11:01,431 I have never taken pills consistently. 1612 01:11:02,301 --> 01:11:06,131 But I mean, I definitely would try a medication 1613 01:11:06,305 --> 01:11:08,873 that I knew wouldn't change the fabric of who 1614 01:11:09,047 --> 01:11:12,877 I am, but calmed my thoughts. 1615 01:11:13,051 --> 01:11:15,836 I haven't really dove into learning about that. 1616 01:11:18,578 --> 01:11:19,492 But I would. 1617 01:11:22,452 --> 01:11:23,757 I like this noise. I find it soothing. 1618 01:11:29,850 --> 01:11:32,897 I was on Paxil for a couple of years. 1619 01:11:33,071 --> 01:11:35,900 And then I just didn't want to be on it anymore. 1620 01:11:36,074 --> 01:11:39,295 I feel like a lot of these things 1621 01:11:39,469 --> 01:11:43,690 can be combated through therapy and acceptance and meditation 1622 01:11:43,864 --> 01:11:45,301 and stuff. 1623 01:11:45,475 --> 01:11:47,564 And a lot can. I want to dismiss people that. 1624 01:11:47,738 --> 01:11:50,044 Because certainly there's people that need medication, 1625 01:11:50,218 --> 01:11:51,394 and it's changed their lives. 1626 01:11:51,568 --> 01:11:52,873 So I don't want to be anti medicine. 1627 01:11:53,047 --> 01:11:56,529 I just personally didn't want to be part of that. 1628 01:11:56,703 --> 01:11:58,052 There's definitely been times where I'm like, 1629 01:11:58,226 --> 01:11:59,445 I should be on medication. 1630 01:11:59,619 --> 01:12:00,533 This is a problem. 1631 01:12:00,707 --> 01:12:03,362 But I've gotten through it. 1632 01:12:03,536 --> 01:12:07,584 There is no way to pick up pills that you've 1633 01:12:07,758 --> 01:12:10,761 spilled on the ground without looking 1634 01:12:10,935 --> 01:12:13,546 like a total human red flag. 1635 01:12:15,156 --> 01:12:16,897 You know? There's just no way to be like, oh! 1636 01:12:19,900 --> 01:12:23,121 Oh, this is what I meant to do. 1637 01:12:23,295 --> 01:12:27,125 And everything is going great. 1638 01:12:27,299 --> 01:12:29,997 I'm on primarily antidepressants, 1639 01:12:30,171 --> 01:12:34,350 but they all are ones that also help with anxiety. 1640 01:12:35,699 --> 01:12:38,354 I have friends who are very anti medication and stuff. 1641 01:12:38,528 --> 01:12:40,573 But for me, at least personally, I 1642 01:12:40,747 --> 01:12:43,184 was like, well, if I don't take medication, 1643 01:12:43,359 --> 01:12:46,971 I won't even be able to show up to be funny. 1644 01:12:47,145 --> 01:12:49,930 So I think it's not as much of an option for me. 1645 01:12:57,503 --> 01:12:59,026 That's the worst part. 1646 01:13:00,376 --> 01:13:03,596 Chloe stares at me frightened like she's pleading for help. 1647 01:13:03,901 --> 01:13:05,816 When I read it in the office, I wanted to die. 1648 01:13:05,990 --> 01:13:08,079 I cried like a kid. 1649 01:13:08,253 --> 01:13:10,516 And now, reading it, it doesn't feel the same 1650 01:13:10,690 --> 01:13:13,476 as it did because I already know what's coming. 1651 01:13:14,259 --> 01:13:17,088 Did you habituate to the worry script? 1652 01:13:18,306 --> 01:13:20,047 Habituate? 1653 01:13:20,221 --> 01:13:22,528 Meaning like if you were to read it now, does it seem stupid? 1654 01:13:23,355 --> 01:13:26,184 It was day two when I habituated to the worries. 1655 01:13:26,358 --> 01:13:28,621 I couldn't feel anything. 1656 01:13:29,753 --> 01:13:30,884 I'm trying to relax more. 1657 01:13:31,058 --> 01:13:32,712 It's hard. I got into Buddhism. 1658 01:13:32,886 --> 01:13:34,888 I'm like a Buddhist, sort of. I read a Buddhist book. 1659 01:13:35,062 --> 01:13:37,021 It wasn't a book. It was a meme, if I'm being honest with you guys. 1660 01:13:37,195 --> 01:13:38,849 But I'd like to say book. 1661 01:13:39,023 --> 01:13:41,155 You sound smarter when you say you read a book. 1662 01:13:41,329 --> 01:13:43,767 But memes are more-- they're preferable. They're more succinct, you know. 1663 01:13:44,942 --> 01:13:46,509 This is what it said. It had a good quote. 1664 01:13:46,683 --> 01:13:48,598 It said, "Let negative thoughts come into your head, 1665 01:13:48,772 --> 01:13:51,383 but don't serve them tea." Hmm? 1666 01:13:54,299 --> 01:13:55,431 Because you don't want your negative thoughts 1667 01:13:55,605 --> 01:13:57,607 lingering around drinking tea. 1668 01:13:58,782 --> 01:14:00,131 That's like the analogy, I guess. 1669 01:14:00,305 --> 01:14:01,741 My negative thoughts aren't drinking tea. 1670 01:14:01,915 --> 01:14:03,743 Mine are doing cocaine. That's a better analogy. 1671 01:14:04,527 --> 01:14:06,137 My negative thoughts are like climate change 1672 01:14:06,311 --> 01:14:09,445 is going to make the world uninhabitable tomorrow. 1673 01:14:09,706 --> 01:14:12,056 Ah, fuck! Jesus. 1674 01:14:15,363 --> 01:14:20,847 Recall the initial situation that triggered you. 1675 01:14:22,109 --> 01:14:24,503 So you're including that in your awareness. 1676 01:14:25,591 --> 01:14:29,508 And just sense whatever it wants to unfold from that. 1677 01:14:29,682 --> 01:14:31,336 Just notice what happens. 1678 01:14:34,121 --> 01:14:35,645 I guess just a feeling of... 1679 01:14:38,082 --> 01:14:39,300 ...this, um... 1680 01:14:40,867 --> 01:14:44,871 I can't solve these other people's 1681 01:14:45,437 --> 01:14:47,657 uh, problems, and that's OK. 1682 01:14:49,876 --> 01:14:53,489 I do feel less angry and anxious about it and more just aware 1683 01:14:53,663 --> 01:14:55,273 of it. 1684 01:14:55,447 --> 01:14:58,885 And maybe it's sad, as opposed to angry and fearful. 1685 01:14:59,059 --> 01:15:00,670 Mm. Mm. 1686 01:15:00,844 --> 01:15:06,023 OK, so notice the possibility 1687 01:15:06,197 --> 01:15:09,330 of in some way honoring sad. 1688 01:15:09,505 --> 01:15:11,898 OK, this, too, it's sad. 1689 01:15:13,987 --> 01:15:15,467 The hardest thing in the world is 1690 01:15:15,641 --> 01:15:17,687 to be with the feelings we don't want to be with. 1691 01:15:22,779 --> 01:15:24,563 And the more you get familiar with it, 1692 01:15:24,737 --> 01:15:28,175 the more you get to inhabit it really. 1693 01:15:31,004 --> 01:15:35,922 Feel free to open your eyes and move around and all that. 1694 01:15:36,096 --> 01:15:37,141 Welcome back. 1695 01:15:37,315 --> 01:15:38,621 Oh. Thank you. 1696 01:15:39,317 --> 01:15:41,188 - Yeah. - Um... 1697 01:15:41,362 --> 01:15:44,278 Yeah, it felt intense. 1698 01:15:45,453 --> 01:15:46,542 - I get it. - Yeah. 1699 01:15:47,630 --> 01:15:48,718 Um... 1700 01:15:50,110 --> 01:15:51,459 Yeah, I don't know. It feels... 1701 01:15:51,895 --> 01:15:54,027 It feels good. 1702 01:15:54,201 --> 01:15:57,814 You know, it's not meant to be like, you know, check, got that one worked. 1703 01:15:57,988 --> 01:16:00,381 You're getting more awake to yourself. 1704 01:16:00,556 --> 01:16:01,469 Right. 1705 01:16:01,644 --> 01:16:03,689 Yeah, no, it was good. 1706 01:16:03,863 --> 01:16:05,822 And towards the end there, I did feel 1707 01:16:06,823 --> 01:16:12,219 positive and more that feeling of no, I'm a good person. 1708 01:16:12,393 --> 01:16:15,788 And I don't have to feel these negative feelings so much. 1709 01:16:16,702 --> 01:16:19,749 You have to, kind of, almost like you're sifting through a jungle. 1710 01:16:19,923 --> 01:16:22,882 You have to hack at these different weeds and stuff that 1711 01:16:23,056 --> 01:16:26,059 are in the way to get to the treasure of whatever it is 1712 01:16:26,233 --> 01:16:28,279 that you are actually feeling. 1713 01:16:28,453 --> 01:16:31,108 Whatever it is that is the real hole, 1714 01:16:31,282 --> 01:16:35,329 the real, um, piece of you that you feel 1715 01:16:35,503 --> 01:16:39,507 is broken or missing or wrong that you are trying to avoid. 1716 01:16:39,682 --> 01:16:41,988 You can come say hi real quick if you'd like. 1717 01:16:42,641 --> 01:16:44,034 - Hey. - Hi. 1718 01:16:44,208 --> 01:16:45,949 Hi. 1719 01:16:46,123 --> 01:16:48,473 We're going to try to get you to do more fun things so that mommy 1720 01:16:48,647 --> 01:16:50,214 isn't so scared all the time. 1721 01:16:51,041 --> 01:16:52,738 Why do you think mommy gets scared? 1722 01:16:53,260 --> 01:16:54,610 Because you don't want me to get hurt. 1723 01:16:54,784 --> 01:16:55,828 Yeah. 1724 01:16:57,264 --> 01:16:59,092 But nobody wants anybody to get hurt. 1725 01:16:59,266 --> 01:17:00,441 And we still just have to do things. 1726 01:17:00,616 --> 01:17:01,704 Right, Chloe? 1727 01:17:02,530 --> 01:17:05,142 Yeah, she's just scaredest when in our family. 1728 01:17:05,316 --> 01:17:06,752 Well, that's changing. 1729 01:17:06,926 --> 01:17:08,319 That's changing quickly. 1730 01:17:08,493 --> 01:17:09,973 All right. I'll be out soon. I love you. 1731 01:17:10,147 --> 01:17:11,714 OK. 1732 01:17:11,888 --> 01:17:13,150 All right, bye. 1733 01:17:14,499 --> 01:17:16,153 I'm not going to do it. 1734 01:17:16,327 --> 01:17:16,936 OK, toodles. 1735 01:17:17,110 --> 01:17:18,155 Bye-bye. 1736 01:17:19,591 --> 01:17:20,984 It's not like you love your children 1737 01:17:21,158 --> 01:17:22,681 more than other people love their children. 1738 01:17:23,116 --> 01:17:24,030 I don't know. 1739 01:17:24,204 --> 01:17:26,337 Don't confuse anxiety with love. 1740 01:17:26,511 --> 01:17:28,295 Don't confuse those two. 1741 01:17:29,079 --> 01:17:31,385 Whoa, let me write that down. 1742 01:17:32,604 --> 01:17:33,736 That was deep. 1743 01:17:37,914 --> 01:17:41,439 The amount I stress over them does not 1744 01:17:41,787 --> 01:17:45,835 - It's not love. - equate fair and helpful. 1745 01:17:48,272 --> 01:17:49,795 [Mark] Therapists always give me little assignments. 1746 01:17:49,969 --> 01:17:52,015 I'll be like, this guy hates me. I know he hates me. 1747 01:17:52,189 --> 01:17:54,365 I don't know how to act around him because I can't be myself, 1748 01:17:54,539 --> 01:17:55,714 and I can't be comfortable. 1749 01:17:55,888 --> 01:17:57,150 And he's like, "just go ask him." 1750 01:17:57,324 --> 01:17:59,283 And I'm like, what, are you crazy? 1751 01:17:59,457 --> 01:18:00,545 I can't do that. You can't ask a guy if he hates you if he hates you. 1752 01:18:00,719 --> 01:18:01,807 And he was like, "just ask him." 1753 01:18:01,981 --> 01:18:03,374 So I'd be like, OK. 1754 01:18:03,548 --> 01:18:05,071 And I would go up to be like, you hate me? 1755 01:18:05,245 --> 01:18:06,464 And they would always be like, "what? 1756 01:18:06,638 --> 01:18:08,161 No, I don't even think about you." 1757 01:18:08,335 --> 01:18:10,207 And he would say stuff like stop putting thoughts 1758 01:18:10,381 --> 01:18:11,687 in other people's heads. 1759 01:18:11,861 --> 01:18:14,472 And if you do, you got to just drop it. 1760 01:18:14,646 --> 01:18:16,866 Yeah, I think I've been trying to work on my brain on my own. 1761 01:18:17,040 --> 01:18:19,999 I found out my therapist is raising her rates. 1762 01:18:20,173 --> 01:18:23,524 Yes, so I guess I'm cured. 1763 01:18:23,699 --> 01:18:24,787 Very exciting. 1764 01:18:26,745 --> 01:18:28,181 Thank you. 1765 01:18:30,270 --> 01:18:32,838 Sometimes, you don't realize how close you are to a breakthrough. 1766 01:18:33,012 --> 01:18:34,448 And then there it is. 1767 01:18:34,622 --> 01:18:38,670 I think growth works in mysterious ways. 1768 01:18:39,236 --> 01:18:41,107 It's hard to exist with it. 1769 01:18:41,281 --> 01:18:46,069 But I think weirdly, even when it's gotten really bad, 1770 01:18:46,243 --> 01:18:50,160 Like, I know I've been able to get through things with it. 1771 01:18:50,334 --> 01:18:53,293 So I think in that sense, that's what 1772 01:18:53,467 --> 01:18:55,992 keeps me going where it's like, but you've been here before. 1773 01:18:56,166 --> 01:18:58,255 You know your way out. 1774 01:18:58,429 --> 01:19:02,259 Even if it feels like particularly terrible today, 1775 01:19:02,433 --> 01:19:04,740 like, you've gotten through it before. 1776 01:19:04,914 --> 01:19:08,439 So that sort of keeps me grounded. 1777 01:19:12,399 --> 01:19:14,358 Everything in life is acceptance, 1778 01:19:14,532 --> 01:19:16,752 except that this is your situation. 1779 01:19:16,926 --> 01:19:20,494 You have it. And that immediately alleviates us to go yeah, I'm anxious, 1780 01:19:20,668 --> 01:19:22,018 but that's OK. 1781 01:19:22,192 --> 01:19:23,759 Just accept that you're anxious right now 1782 01:19:23,933 --> 01:19:26,370 or accept that you're afraid of that activity 1783 01:19:26,544 --> 01:19:28,111 or accept that you're mad at somebody. 1784 01:19:28,285 --> 01:19:29,721 Those are all OK. 1785 01:19:29,895 --> 01:19:32,071 Instead of just going, God, I'm mad at that. 1786 01:19:32,245 --> 01:19:34,030 I shouldn't be mad. I should be happy. 1787 01:19:34,204 --> 01:19:37,120 And enough of getting rid of those I shouldn't feel this way 1788 01:19:37,294 --> 01:19:38,599 and just say, no, I do feel this way. 1789 01:19:38,774 --> 01:19:40,079 And that's OK. 1790 01:19:41,080 --> 01:19:43,474 What do we think we're going to do? 1791 01:19:43,648 --> 01:19:46,694 Like if you're incapacitated and your life 1792 01:19:46,869 --> 01:19:50,742 is unmanageable for whatever reason, you should fix that. 1793 01:19:51,134 --> 01:19:53,527 If you're uncomfortable, but you're OK, 1794 01:19:53,701 --> 01:19:55,051 that might just be you. 1795 01:19:58,968 --> 01:20:01,492 I think I would like to find more moments of calm. 1796 01:20:01,666 --> 01:20:06,497 I definitely feel far from experiencing calm 1797 01:20:06,671 --> 01:20:08,238 a lot of the time. 1798 01:20:08,412 --> 01:20:11,371 But I think I've had my anxiety for long enough 1799 01:20:11,545 --> 01:20:16,115 that I'm starting to understand when my body is sending off 1800 01:20:16,289 --> 01:20:18,335 fire alarms, and it's not real. 1801 01:20:18,509 --> 01:20:21,555 And I'm like, OK, that's what you're experiencing 1802 01:20:21,729 --> 01:20:24,297 because you're worried about this outcome that is super not 1803 01:20:24,471 --> 01:20:25,690 likely to happen. 1804 01:20:27,518 --> 01:20:29,781 Alright. So what do you want to do, the sleepover? 1805 01:20:29,955 --> 01:20:31,957 We'll have to make a firm plan of when it's going to be. 1806 01:20:32,131 --> 01:20:33,829 I'll start really giving it some thought. 1807 01:20:34,003 --> 01:20:38,311 I definitely don't feel the same way at the thought of it 1808 01:20:38,485 --> 01:20:40,226 as I once did. I feel like-- 1809 01:20:40,966 --> 01:20:43,360 The first time we talked about it, I'm pretty sure I cried. 1810 01:20:44,361 --> 01:20:49,757 And now, the idea doesn't invoke those emotions for me. 1811 01:20:49,932 --> 01:20:51,585 Yeah, I don't think it'll be that bad. 1812 01:20:55,459 --> 01:20:57,678 Please give a warm welcome to Mark Normand. 1813 01:21:03,119 --> 01:21:05,164 Hey, comedy. 1814 01:21:05,338 --> 01:21:06,035 Good to be here. 1815 01:21:06,209 --> 01:21:07,775 I love a roof gig. 1816 01:21:07,950 --> 01:21:10,561 This goes horribly, I can just jump right off. 1817 01:21:12,780 --> 01:21:14,130 Doing good. I'm in therapy. 1818 01:21:14,304 --> 01:21:15,174 Drinking less. 1819 01:21:15,348 --> 01:21:17,089 Career's going all right. 1820 01:21:17,263 --> 01:21:20,701 So, yeah, everything's kicked up a notch in the positive world. 1821 01:21:20,876 --> 01:21:22,225 But who knows? 1822 01:21:22,399 --> 01:21:23,530 It could all go to hell tomorrow. 1823 01:21:31,625 --> 01:21:35,064 Oh yeah! It's going to be awesome! 1824 01:21:39,764 --> 01:21:42,854 This is my wife, Sarah Tollemache, and my best bud. 1825 01:21:43,550 --> 01:21:45,161 My main man. 1826 01:21:45,335 --> 01:21:47,119 Like I said this to my therapist once, where I was like, 1827 01:21:47,293 --> 01:21:49,295 I feel great. I feel like I don't even need to be here anymore. 1828 01:21:49,469 --> 01:21:52,995 And he's like, "well, I would say you are not done with therapy." 1829 01:21:53,169 --> 01:21:55,954 And then, of course, a week later, I'm like, [screams] 1830 01:21:56,128 --> 01:21:57,216 losing my mind. 1831 01:21:57,651 --> 01:21:59,392 [host] ...in the back, we can't hear you. 1832 01:21:59,566 --> 01:22:00,785 Give it up for Joe List. 1833 01:22:05,442 --> 01:22:07,183 Thank you, Jack. Hi. 1834 01:22:07,923 --> 01:22:12,449 So my son was at the next door neighbor's house playing. 1835 01:22:12,623 --> 01:22:14,277 And he just called his dad. 1836 01:22:14,451 --> 01:22:16,148 His dad had it on speaker. 1837 01:22:18,455 --> 01:22:22,198 And Kaiden was like, "Dad, can I stay the night at Alexander's?" 1838 01:22:23,068 --> 01:22:25,549 And then his dad said, "We got to ask your mom." 1839 01:22:26,463 --> 01:22:27,768 And I said, "Yes." 1840 01:22:30,206 --> 01:22:31,250 I said, "Yeah." 1841 01:22:31,424 --> 01:22:32,991 And on the other end of the phone, 1842 01:22:33,165 --> 01:22:38,910 I heard both boys say, "Yes!" 1843 01:22:39,084 --> 01:22:42,696 And I've never heard my son that excited before. 1844 01:22:42,870 --> 01:22:45,525 Like, granted, it's next door, right? 1845 01:22:45,699 --> 01:22:50,443 And granted, his friend's dad is a police officer. 1846 01:22:51,531 --> 01:22:55,971 But I'm just saying, Kaiden's having his first sleepover tonight. 1847 01:22:57,015 --> 01:22:57,798 Ever. 1848 01:22:57,973 --> 01:22:58,799 [Bo Burnham, "Feel Good"] 1849 01:22:58,974 --> 01:23:00,149 ♪ I just ♪ 1850 01:23:00,323 --> 01:23:02,542 ♪ I just want to feel good ♪ 1851 01:23:02,716 --> 01:23:04,980 ♪ I just want to feel good ♪ 1852 01:23:05,154 --> 01:23:08,418 ♪ I just want to feel ♪ 1853 01:23:08,592 --> 01:23:12,117 ♪ Can you teach me How to feel good ♪ 1854 01:23:12,291 --> 01:23:14,511 ♪ I just want to feel good ♪ 1855 01:23:14,685 --> 01:23:15,773 ♪ I just want to ♪ 1856 01:23:15,947 --> 01:23:17,949 ♪ I just want to feel ♪ 1857 01:23:18,123 --> 01:23:21,561 ♪ Give me specific direction ♪ 1858 01:23:21,735 --> 01:23:23,911 ♪ On how I can feel good ♪ 1859 01:23:24,086 --> 01:23:25,261 ♪ I just want to ♪ 1860 01:23:25,435 --> 01:23:27,785 ♪ I just want to feel good ♪ 1861 01:23:27,959 --> 01:23:31,093 ♪ I'm not even Close to kidding ♪ 1862 01:23:31,267 --> 01:23:33,573 ♪ Write it in an email ♪ 1863 01:23:33,747 --> 01:23:34,966 ♪ I just want to feel ♪ 1864 01:23:35,140 --> 01:23:38,752 ♪ I just want to feel good ♪